When asked what people want, most will respond saying they want to be happy and successful in life. Some will have a very clear idea of what that looks like to them and others have not even allowed themselves to dream that far for fear of disappointment. Wherever one is on that scale and however much they might say they want happiness the one thing we humans have in common is self-sabotage. It seems counter-intuitive. We know we want happiness and success so why on Earth would we sabotage it? At the core, some of the reasons for self-sabotage are a lack of self-worth, fear of others jealousy or feeling like you are putting yourself above others.
Whatever the reason, here are ways to spot self-sabotage and how you can move past it.
Negative Self Talk –
How do you speak to yourself? If you are saying negative comments to yourself throughout the day you are not empowering but disempowering yourself. These messages are most likely old and have been repeated for possibly even decades. These are feelings or exact wording of something someone else said to you or how they made you feel. Usually, it is a relative, teacher, a close relationship – whether friendship or intimate.
Take notice when the self-talk begins and ask yourself if you even truly believe this statement. Next reverse the statement and see how that feels. Get comfortable being your best friend instead of your biggest critic – you would advise your friends, children you know and loved ones to do the same!
Unhealthy Habits –
You know how you spend your time. Are you doing things to further enhance your abilities or to avoid using your gifts? Binge watching Netflix, over-eating, spending exorbitant amounts of time online, smoking cigarettes, doing drugs, or drinking to excess. These are mind-numbing habits that are sabotaging your success and happiness!
What habit do you need to break to move forward? What are you passionate about that you are not making time for? Do you need help breaking these habits or do you feel like you can do this alone? Finding these answers will lead to setting new healthier habits.
Being Around Negative People –
Jim Rohn said, “we become like the five people we spend the most time around”. Take stock of these people on a regular basis. If you are expending all your energy caring for others or listening to others problems you will not have the energy to pursue happiness or your own success. This will leave you feeling low, disempowered and like you do not have the gumption to do much of anything.
Who are your 5 people? I am not saying drop support of your family members – I am saying to set healthy boundaries! Only you know what enhances your energy and what depletes it. Choose to be around people who motivate you, who you leave feeling empowered, who you are not draining you of your life force energy. Join a local meditation group or a group that meets around a hobby that you enjoy.
Limiting Beliefs –
Saying there is not enough or you don’t have enough …. fill in the blank, “time, energy, money, experience, etc.” is an affirmation that makes it so. Start noticing your beliefs and take ownership of them. Just like the negative self-talk about yourself – these repeated sentences about your life situation is making it so. In my own life, my world switches when I go from saying “I have no time” to “I have more than enough time”.
Notice your beliefs and switch the dialogue around when you notice. Notice the difference when you begin to tell yourself the opposite – the world seems to open up to allow for that possibility.
Not Setting Intentions –
If you don’t have a clue of where you want to be or what it will take to make you happy consistently then how will you know how to get there? Setting intentions in all areas of your life; physically, emotionally, in relationships, mentally, financially, socially, spiritually will help you to know what you are striving for. You can always change and alter the goals as you take that step.
Make a list of where you would like to see yourself in three years in all the above areas and make a first action step for each. Take one action step the week in one of the areas. Give yourself credit for taking that action!
We all have self-sabotaged at one time or another and we all have the power to become aware so we can lessen and stop it. Be kind to yourself as you bring this us and show yourself love and kindness as you send positive messages to yourself that you know you do deserve more! You can do this! You deserve to be happy, healthy and to have the life of your dreams! Give yourself permission to claim that life and move beyond self-sabotage!