Why do you want to connect with your deceased loved ones?
Curiosity? Closure? You may have several reasons, including the last chance to say goodbye, after the shock of losing someone has passed and lingering doubt sets in and you wonder: are they okay, did they know I loved them, do they know I’m mad they left me?
Whatever the reason—and I’ve heard plenty in my work as a medium—most mediumship sessions involve getting a handle on grief. Losing a loved one is shocking, debilitating, agonizing, isolating. I see this professionally as a medium, but I also know it firsthand. I was only nine when I experienced my first death (and talked to my first dead person): it was my 14-year-old brother. I’ve lost family, parents, friends, animals, my soul mate four times. It hurts. We are never ready to lose the ones we love.
And regardless what people say to comfort us, when our beloveds die they leave us behind. It’s horrible and true: they leave us behind. When death strikes nothing will ever be the same again. People who say, well, they never really leave us, they’re always here—the cold hard truth is that they are gone and we’ll never again be able to hold them in our arms. Period.
However, we can still maintain a connection to our beloved dead, albeit in a different form. Remember, they are off doing new things in a new realm: having left their bodies behind, they are learning and exploring in the afterlife, and it’s pretty incredible. They travel and vacation (Hawaii is a favorite place, don’t know why), they examine their lives and choose a new soul experience, they set about learning new things, they sometimes (read that as sometimes) check in on us. They are busy!
They also miss us, often just as much as we miss them. (I say “just as much” because, to be honest, our dead often more easily move on than we do. Once they’re safely in the afterlife they can see the bigger picture of the soul’s eternal journey through multiple incarnations, so they know they will see us again, sometime, somewhere, in some way.)
They are still often quite willing to connect with us, so let me offer a way for you to do that. Yes, of course, you can seek out a professional medium, including me. But you can also work at connecting to them on your own. In fact, in every mediumship session I do, I make sure my clients leave with a way to connect with their dead on their own: it’s empowering and helps with grief.
It starts with knowing how your intuition works. While we are all a combination of intuitive seeing, hearing, feeling, and knowing, generally one of those abilities is dominant. This is a whole other topic of its own, so, for now, know that your life will be richer and more successful when you learn to use your intuition and understand how your particular intuitive ability works.
Next, set a time to connect with your beloved dead, and make it a regular “date.” I suggest once a week for 15 minutes. This helps you get in the habit of connecting and “primes” your intuition to help you—and also gives your dead a “heads up” that you’ll be ready and waiting for them.
Prepare a space where you plan to connect. It can be a comfortable chair surrounded by candles, flowers, pictures, sea salt, incense—whatever makes the space sacred for the time you plan to connect. You can do this exercise anywhere, including walking in nature, but starting with a dedicated space surrounded by mementos or whatever feels good to you, sets a mood which will help you and your dead.
Experiment. You will gradually find a method that works for you, especially if you learn to use your intuition. Over time, your ability to connect will improve and heighten your experience. For example, if your intuition is strongly feeling-based, try connecting with feelings instead of expecting to actually talk with them. Make sense?
When the time arrives, follow these tips:
- Spend a few minutes quietly relaxing your mind.
- Get yourself grounded and balanced: I like crystals for that, but whatever you do, make sure you are safe and contained within your body.
- Get protection and support: call a spiritual team member, or spirit guide, to work with you to filter out things like the random dead and other unpleasant entities.
- Organize your thoughts and questions: focus on the most important thing you want to “talk” about with your deceased family member, friend, or animal.
- Write a brief list of questions. Be specific.
- Be respectful. Don’t expect them to read your mind, which is rude and can backfire. They might be patient with you, or they might decide that you still don’t get whatever you didn’t get when they were alive, and they now have better things to do, and they’ll go do them.
- Ask your questions according to how your intuition works. Wait for an answer. You might not get anything. You might get specific words, pictures, feelings, or know something. You might get a sign that triggers meaning for you: a bird your loved one admired suddenly lands on the windowsill, and so on.
- Sit for whatever time you allotted (or walk in a quiet place, if moving helps you focus better). When the time is up, thank yourself, your guide, and your loved ones for whatever you got, even if you didn’t notice anything. If you repeat this exercise often enough, you will. Someday.
- Afterward, plan to decompress with a salt bath or dry salt bathing. Drink lots of water and spend some time relaxing.
As you set a routine to connect in this way, you will find both that connection occurs, in one way or another, and that your grief eases. I can assure you as a professional medium that their grief will ease as well.
You are welcomed to connect with me for help in connecting with your dead, learning to use your intuition, or any of the intuitive and spiritual services I offer on my website or on my profile on The Wellness Universe.