Remember I don’t have to like you or what you do but I do have to love you. – “Grammy” Dru Synal (86-year-old Mother & Grandmother)
My mom always reminded me of that one fact, don’t have to like it or you but have to love you. It is something I have always strived to remember when raising my own children.
Let’s take the concept a step further not only do I not have to like what you do I don’t have to agree with your choices but I do have to love you, unconditionally. Not that one there, that is tough.
But why is that so difficult? Well, our nature is to judge. We judge ourselves, our government, our systems, our choices and our families. We judge just about anything by a standard we create. Often, if we don’t like something we judge it as bad or wrong. We in no way are going to be able to love something we deem by our judgement to be wrong.
But why are we like that? We are constantly told by society what to think and do. What is acceptable and what isn’t. We are led like donkeys by a carrot on a string to make the choices that are acceptable. When we get out of line and do something the norm does not like, we are practically banished. We are left out in the cold and starved for acceptance and love.
I don’t have to like what you do, but I do have to love you.
Is that statement not the epitome of unconditional love? Even if I don’t like you or how you are behaving or the choices you are making I have to love you.
Let me tell you my kids and I have put this statement to the test with her more times that I care to think. From marriages and friendships, I knew were doomed to lifestyle choices that conflicted her own, I have tested her ability to love me even when she didn’t like me.
My children have tested this statement with me as well. I had to learn how hard it is to sometimes love even when I knew the choices and actions I was seeing were going to end disastrously. I coined the phrase ‘Make Good Choices’ to use with this reminder so that it would hopefully help. In the long run, peoples’ choices are their own and judging them as good or bad is falling back into the judgement pattern.
So here we are back to loving you whether I like you, what you are doing, your choices, whatever it is… I don’t have to like it but I do have to love you.
The power of this has been something that transcends my own conscious being. When I can step aside and love no matter what I find the miracle of love takes over. There is less bitterness, there is less anger, the view of the thing that is the center of my dislike doesn’t matter. Clearly all that matters is my love toward the person.
So let love win. Isn’t that what it really boils down to? Let love win. You don’t have to like someone all the time, you don’t have to like what they are doing but you have to love them.
Try it, I think you will be pleased with the results.
– Dru Ann