He Cheated: Staying Together After Infidelity
She knew it was happening; deep down within the depths of her soul, she knew. She was fighting so many personal issues and challenges, that she just couldn’t bring herself to admit that something was going on. She was too consumed with herself and the things that needed to be done.
The choices that she made in the last 2 years had led up to this moment; the moment that she stood there just unbelievably heartbroken and wounded. It was as if someone had just taken the life out of her.
Why was she so shocked?
She had pushed him away and didn’t give him the same love that she did in the past, and let what was going on within her own body rule her everyday life. She had left him, in a sense, to fend for himself. She wasn’t aware because she was all to consumed with ‘herself’ and her own feelings that she forgot that there was another person that needed her too.
She had opened the door for another woman to come in and speak sweet nothings into his ear; to show him affection and make him feel loved again. Some would say that if he loved her at all it wouldn’t have happened because he would have stuck by her no matter what. Or, that he wouldn’t have allowed another woman to even look at him or even entertain the thought of cheating, but that isn’t always the case.
Everyone wants and needs love and affection. We thrive on it, and yes, some just need it for their egos. When we feel as though we’ve been cast aside or thrown away, we begin to feel worthless and unlovable. That is when the door opens for someone else to walk in and catch their attention.
A 30-something-year-old mother of 5, in another seemingly failed marriage, what was she to do?
He was caught red-handed. He didn’t deny it. He knew he was wrong. He promised her it was over and that ‘she’ was out of his life. Her feelings were all over the place, she had been dealing with so much the last few years this wasn’t something that she needed, to take her on a downward spiral of grief and heartache.
She felt so lost in life. The why’s, how’s, and when’s were all swarming around in her head. The more she thought about it, the more it made sense. She knew the why, the how, and pretty much the when’s too. Light bulbs started going off in her head like neon lights, blinking and flashing.
Then, a moment of clarity.
She sat down with him and had a relationship-changing conversation. Of course, she knew she wasn’t fully to blame, he needed to take responsibility for his part, and he did. The act of owning up to it all, and saying it out loud had allowed them to understand where each other were coming from. To gain clarity and to understand why this was allowed to happen.
Now the healing could begin.
She decided to honor her vows, for better or for worse, and this was definitely considered “worse.” But, she wasn’t willing to give in or give up so easily. Her marriage and the life they had built together was worth saving, and he felt the same as well. Trust and forgiveness in a situation like this can be the most difficult thing to navigate. There has to be true love and conscious decision to work through it, TOGETHER!
Not just one doing the work, both have to be fully involved in it. When you begin the healing and forgiveness process you have to be committed to it 100% and when you totally forgive that means that you forget too. Yes! You forget about it as best as you can and do not bring it up in any future arguments. You do not throw it in their face. When you forgive, it is done!
Now, begins the trust process.
There were a lot of tears and difficult days in her future, but eventually, the day came where all had been forgiven and forgotten. There were a few slip-ups here and there, but they were easier to navigate. Healing doesn’t just happen overnight and sometimes it can be a slow process, but it is always worth it.
Some would say once a cheater, always a cheater, but that isn’t necessarily true. Some people have experienced a moment of weakness and ended up regretting it for the rest of their life and do whatever they can to make up for it.
The relationship that she has with him now is amazing, and they would even describe it as better than before the infidelity.
They make time for each other, to not allow the other to feel left out or alone, to show each other the love and respect they each deserve. Relationships can be difficult and rewarding, worth the effort if the couple truly loves each other and honors the vows they made to one another.
Her days look bright and he is her home; her safe place, and she is his.