Relationships are fundamental to our lives; we spend years building them up and then we start tearing some of them down. We are constantly forming relationships with our parents, siblings, friends, work colleagues and business partners – so they truly are part of being a human being. We all want to love and to be loved.
So what do we do when relationships break down? Many of us look outside of ourselves, we look at the other person’s behaviour, their feelings, their actions, we look to blame, to reason, to work it all out and often this situation gets worse or we distance ourselves from the person. Sound familiar with anyone you know right now?
Having totally healed a lifelong destructive relationship with my mother I know how you feel and I also know that looking for answers outside doesn’t work. For 35 years I tried and tried to ‘make the relationship’ work, failing on every attempt. The day changed when I stopped ‘trying’ and took on total responsibility for myself healing me from the ‘inside out’.
Looking at it as a healing process:
- Can help you to stop the resistance, to stop the fighting and to understand it isn’t some kind of mental torture.
- Will allow you to really learn more about yourself – when you see the hurt, the pain and the upset the other person is causing you and you cannot forgive, it is really all about you and not them.
- You will be able to heal your pain, hurt and going through a forgiveness process.
- You will also be able to HEAL yourself totally without even speaking with the other person.
- You will begin to accept this feeling inside yourself, you actually accept the other person… contrary to belief people think that you have to talk and reason with the other person to sort it out but this is not true.
- And accepting the ‘resistance’ of the relationship is the key to complete healing.
So many people come to me telling me all about their relationship issues. BUT here’s the thing; it is you that is really having a problem within yourself.
The real issue is that:
- You are finding it hard to accept the reality about yourself (you can’t forgive, you still crave that attention, you still feel hate) and it isn’t the other person actually making you feel upset at all.
- It is really how you are experiencing that person inside of you and not the relationship.
- As you start to really face this truth you can start to really learn more about you. This can be quite hard to grasp but the concept is a true revolution and can change lives beyond measure.
I have been honoured to have witnessed marriages, family relationships, friendships, businesses and weight loss ALL grow beyond expectations from working on an internal healing process.
My message to you today is to stop trying to fix anything – the answers lie within.