I call what I’ve experienced this past year a midlife healing crisis.
I bought the convertible and consulted with the plastic surgeon. And what I’m here to tell you is there’s nothing wrong with stepping into yourself, your worth and your power and opening the door to the cage. What you call a crisis, I call freedom. And that cage? It was never locked in the first place.
The behavior might look impulsive; the convertible especially, because isn’t that the exact picture we’ve branded into our brains about what a midlife crisis is? Only it’s usually a man in a red convertible. I see a whole different scenario behind that picture and it’s more about healing than a crisis. More about freedom than freak out. And it’s more about finally living fiercely alive than some warped idea about someone looking death in the eye and cheating on their spouse.
The midlife healing crisis is a culmination of deal-breaker moments that never became anything; stuffed like a dirty rag into the mouth of your soul for decades. When you see someone freaking out and going car shopping they finally took action on the stuff that’s smothering their soul, and you better watch out because that kind of energy can move mountains, as well as cars.
Of course, it’s not always about a car. We like to label what we see others doing in midlife based on actions that seem abnormal, impulsive, excessive, irresponsible or just plain wrong. The problem is how we’re conditioned to believe in the first place. Your “impulsive” might be totally rational to me. Your “wrong” might be based on how you were taught, and if you sprinkle a little awareness on what’s right and wrong you’ll realize it’s all subjective based on your unique upbringing and filter.
The definition of a healing crisis, according to my work with master healer and John F. Barnes Myofascial Release founder, John F. Barnes describes when you feel pain from an old trauma that’s surfacing to be healed. It feels very much like the old event, but there’s a therapeutic quality to it, which allows you to feel it fully and move through the sensations, integrating them and creating a new outcome.
Here’s an excerpt from one of my blogs about the healing crisis: “In the heat of the moment things feel painful, very chaotic like emotions are rampant, and like things really suck. The pain will be worse, but there’ll be a feeling it’s slightly different. My healers taught me if I could go for that ride, aware inside of it, it would pass, and I’d come out on the other side better. They asked me to hunker down and feel. They asked me to face my fear.”
I think the midlife crisis is a form of healing.
It’s old thoughts, beliefs, and behavioral patterns coming up to be healed, and it’s the awareness and the deep desire for change that creates the actions and behaviors you see people doing that look impulsive or seemingly “all of a sudden.”
When the damn blows, it blows. There’s no holding that baby back. The midlife healing crisis has that kind of energy behind it, leaving people in its wake. Not because it’s the intent of the individual going through it, but because the individual going through it can’t stop the momentum once the cap is off. I kind of like it that way because it’s not like there isn’t fear involved, it’s just you know the fear isn’t going to stand in the way of the power being expressed – for once!
I wish my midlife healing crisis had been about ten years ago, however, I’m not dwelling on timing because I know it’s all divinely orchestrated. It’s my mission to those reading to give them a clue, a nudge, a kick in the ass, whatever it takes, so you don’t wait a decade to get through the fear and do the things you’re meant to do; like feeling illegal amounts of joy!
Whether it’s the car you’ve always wanted, or the different job, or the trip to New Zealand, or the surgery, you better just get to it. Stop wasting time hoping, wishing and resenting the fact you haven’t done it yet. Stop whining and make it happen. Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks. The obstacles in your way are mostly in your head. Even financial ones. If we want something bad enough we’ll find a way to make it happen, no matter how much it costs.
If you’ve always wanted to learn how to sing, or create stained glass, or write a book or volunteer on a mission trip to Guatemala, why are you sitting around thinking about it all day long without taking action on a plan? People all up in your shit about what you want to do? Why are you listening to them when it’s your passion on the line. Your soul aching to express? Why don’t you stop waiting and take the dirty rag out of your own mouth and breathe!
The crisis is only a crisis when we’ve denied our souls for years.
It’s only a crisis when we let it become one. And if you’re in the middle of one – well great! Recognize you’re finally ready to make the changes your soul’s been craving forever and get on with it. Celebrate it! Have a midlife healing crisis party and invite all your friends to take a ride in that car with you.
There’s nothing bad or wrong about going totally fierce on life or about being unapologetic about it. We’ve been taught there are more responsible things to do. We’ve been conditioned to think we can’t, it’s too late, it’s not right or we’re too greedy, or whatever. Wake up and realize those voices aren’t serving your deep desire for more joy and please… get on with the joy.
So, who wants a ride in my new car?