Do People in Your Life Want You to Be Fat? — How to Get Your Needs Met Other than by Eating.
There are several external factors that must be considered to ensure your successful weight loss. For example, there may be people in your life to whom your weight loss is threatening. If you share your life with people who have a vested interest in you staying overweight or are insecure about their position in your life, they may consciously or unconsciously attempt to prevent you from losing weight.
These people may begin to sabotage your success.
They will celebrate by any weight loss taking you out to dinner or making you a dinner of all your favorite foods. They will bring you edible gifts, which you may feel compelled to eat because you love these people and want to show it by eating their gifts.
They may become jealous when you start to show your weight loss and ask you why you are losing weight suddenly.
All these interpersonal intangibles must be dealt with for you to maintain your weight loss.
Whenever we are in a relationship with other people there are unwritten, unspoken behavioral contracts between the parties. It is something we do unconsciously. We both agree, through our behaviors, to fulfill certain roles in the relationship. Losing weight may be in violation of your contract.
Behavior is perpetuated because it works. Is being overweight an integral part of some of your relationships? Is someone in your life picking on you for being overweight? Is there a familiarity with being picked on? Did someone berate you for your body size and shape when you were a child? Does someone in your life like you overweight? Is their opinion of you more important than your own opinion of yourself? Do you stay overweight because it’s safe?
Don’t be too critical of yourself when you begin finding answers.
This is not an exercise to give you more ammunition with which to beat up on yourself. These questions are designed to help you start making decisions about how you want your life to be, based on current information instead of old “tapes.”
If you are in an unfulfilling relationship, food easily replaces love. If you are in a sexually unfulfilling relationship, communication about your problem may be difficult for you. Then food becomes a substitute for a healthy sex life. Food replaces any emotional hunger. Food can help take your mind off any void in your life.
Clear communication in your relationships is one key to resolving this particular need to eat. Quite often we think we are asking for what we want but the people with whom we are communicating often are not hearing our requests. This may be quite simple to resolve.
People perceive information in three ways:
We all use these three modes of perception. However, one is predominant for each of us.
To facilitate clear communication, learn how those around you perceive information.
The easiest way to do this is by listening to the words those around you use in everyday conversation. For example, if someone perceives information primarily visually, they will use words like “I see” or “Get the picture?” When you communicate back to them using visual words like these, you have a better chance of being heard and understood.
This tool doesn’t automatically guarantee that you will succeed in getting your needs met. But this will give you a good starting point and one upon which you can build more and better communication.
However you choose to communicate with those in your life who may be working against your weight loss goals, the important thing is to begin a conversation about it.
And begin with the understanding that they don’t know they are sabotaging you. And if they took a polygraph on the subject, they would pass it. Remember, they are just fulfilling their part of the contract and you are trying to change it. So, tell them! Begin with “I feel” or “I want” sentences. Not by accusing them. For example, “I want to lose weight and I want you to be part of that. One way you can help me stop is to (fill in the blank). Or, “would you go for a walk with me in the evenings?”
Now here is the deal, they will always agree. It is up to you to make sure they follow through. When they bring home unhealthy food say “We agreed you wouldn’t bring these foods into the house. Would you like to give it to the neighbor or should I toss it out?” Say it kindly, firmly, and give them a say in how to dispose of it. Stick to your guns and you will eliminate that behavior fairly soon.