When you have kids, a job, a house, a pet or three, church duties, volunteering, dieting, exercising, learning, you get the picture, it’s easy to forget that you have a husband or a marriage.
Yep. It happens to all of us and it is very easy to become distracted from what matters most.
Hold on a second, WHAT MATTERS MOST?
As a 49-year-old woman with four children and all of the ‘stuff’ going on in my life which is listed above, I shout from the rooftops that I have an incredible marriage. I’m married to my best friend and lover of twenty-six-and-a-half years, three months, and a few days.
Our relationship has evolved over the years. The lonely times were very dark periods for both of us. Sadly, even suicide had become an option. The most significant human connection was drastically suffering. Something had to change!
No one wants to be alone.
If you are struggling to once again find love for your spouse, take a detour from this fast-paced, distracting life and recall when you first fell in love with him. Remember the “googly” eyes or the flutter of your heart? Or saying embarrassing things in front of him by accident? If you can’t remember then take a look at old photo albums or videos, and together go to the location of your first date, if feasible.
When you remember special, memorable moments, it is easy to rekindle the flame. Over the years I have found that tweaking some really simple things pulled me out of the relationship dol-drums to a point where I was once again lovingly thinking about my husband. And things started to get good between us. Being aware of these things has helped us rekindle our love and respect for each other and never feel lonely again. It is beautiful.
What Matters Most?
Do you know what is true for you? I am not here to tell you what to do, but I will tell you what I have done to get myself to this blissful point in my life. And, yes, it involves another human being for ‘man’ was never intended to be alone. My answer to that question is my relationship with my Heavenly Father and His Son, second is my husband, and third are my children. THIRD. Who are you putting first? Be careful, because children are our responsibility to raise with an equal partner at our side.
I remember hearing Zig Ziglar tell the story of when he asked his only son, “If someone asked you what you liked best about your dad, what would you tell them?” The son answered, “The thing I like best about my dad is that he loves my mom.” Zig went on to say that his son new that he would never have to face the horror of his parents ever going through a divorce.
Why is eye contact so crucial?
When was the last time you looked into your spouse’s eyes? I mean intensely engaging with him or her, not just looking in the general direction of their eyeballs? Many years ago, I remember being in the throes of motherhood with a toddler, a rambunctious five-year-old, a daughter involved in ballet, and a pre-teen son with a diagnosis of diabetes. I felt pulled in all directions.
Sadly, it hit me one day that I had practically ignored the most important person in my life. Sure, I had spoken with my husband every day but had never acknowledged his presence for more than two days. He had been away dutifully working for our family, doing his church volunteering, spent time with the children, spoke with me about the basic stuff of the day, and I never looked into his eyes one time. That realization hurt me because I had been insensitive to my husband. Looking into his eyes is such a small thing and I would want him to offer me that courtesy, as well.
Conversations that continually revolve around the children, financial issues, in-laws, and other annoyances can be draining for anyone.
I mean, think about it. Say you have a weekly date night and all you heard or spoke about was all the bad stuff that was going on. Do you think you would want to go on dates? No way.
Any topics that make your heart-rate spike should be reserved for specific times and places and never on date nights. This has happened to me. It drives my husband bonkers. Many times, my husband has said before leaving for a dinner date, “We are not going to talk about my work, the kids, or (usually an extended family member). Let’s have a good time, this night is for us.”
Be respectful of your time together because it is probably rare. Honor the space you hold together and embrace the peace between you without bringing the garbage along. This has helped our marriage immensely. If you find that you don’t have many chances to talk about pertinent issues that need discussing, you may be over-scheduled.
Imagine standing on the winner’s podium. Who would you want standing right there next to you, squeezing your hand, a huge smile on his face with the proudest look? I hope you say your husband. Regardless, I hope that these tips will help you elevate your relationship to one of equal honor, love, and respect.
Do you have any tips to rectify a lonely marriage that did not get mentioned above? If so, please share them with us in the comments section below!