Have you ever stopped to think about what your anger triggers might be?
I’m guessing not. Most of the time you just get angry when you get angry and you have no interest in understanding why because you’re just angry.
What if there was a way of understanding the things that might trigger your anger? Anger is good. It is an emotion that we have and can express. There is nothing wrong with being angry. Understanding WHY you might be angry though may help you to be clearer in your communication or approach life in a different way. Shared below are common reasons why we get angry.
Here Are 5 Common Anger Triggers:
When You Think that You’re Not Being Listened To.
How utterly frustrating is it when you are talking to someone and you know they are tuned out and not really listening to you? Frustrating, right? And the more you want them to listen to you the angrier you get.
They should be listening to you. What you have to say is important. Why won’t they listen to you? Heard this dialogue in your head? This is the anger building dialogue. It is the tape that’s running that stokes your anger fire.
The most frustrating time is when someone you want to have a conversation with is playing with the mobile phone, giving it more attention than you. It only takes them to start touching the screen for your anger to be fueled up. Right? You know how that feels.
“They’re ignoring me” is the thought that pops into your head. And you don’t like being ignored.
When You Aren’t Feeling Heard.
Yes, I said ‘feeling’ heard. This is different from being listened to. Feeling heard is the internal feeling you have when someone is paying attention to you. You feel loved, acknowledged, and understood. It’s a warm fuzzy feeling inside.
And when it’s not happening and you are feeling rejected, unimportant, and hurt, that’s when your anger erupts. Feeling all of your uncomfortable feelings isn’t something you want to do, so stoke up the anger and lash out at someone else, that’s a better way of dealing with what’s going on.
Noticing They Aren’t Acknowledging You or Your Efforts.
Not being acknowledged for what you do or what you bring to the show, is another place where your anger will be triggered. There is nothing like making an effort, sometimes a HUGE effort, and people not saying “Hey, what a great job!”
It might be the simple things that you do each and every day at home like the washing, cooking, and cleaning that aren’t being acknowledged by your partner or children that sparks that flame of anger inside you.
Don’t you just hate it? You want them to say, “Thank for cooking dinner,” and they just sit down and eat as if you’re their restaurant. A free restaurant, mind you.
When They Aren’t Giving You What You Want.
You are sick and tired of not having time to yourself. Such a small want and your partner or family won’t leave you alone. The kids are constantly annoying you and wanting something from you, your partner is watching basketball, the TV is up loud and he’s yelling at the plays. All you want is peace and quiet, just for a little bit.
Noticing they aren’t giving you what you want is a big trigger point for your anger. Your story might be that you can never have what you want. And that makes not getting even a small want met that you have, a BIG thing for you.
Feeling trapped in the space of not even being able to ask for what you want is an even worse space to be in.
When They’re Ignoring You.
Being ignored, you know what that’s like. It can be as simple as someone turning their back to you or just totally treating you like a piece of shit. You want to yell at them or whack them physically when this anger or rage erupts.
Feeling ignored is an unhappy place to be in and one, once again where you might feel sad or hurt underneath your anger, and yet throwing it outwards and making it about them and what they are or aren’t doing is your most natural way of responding when you aren’t comfortable with your own feelings.
Often when we feel angry, we aren’t aware that these thoughts are even there. Our anger is triggered so quickly that it’s like a wildfire exploding.
You have an opportunity to get angry and then afterward, explore which thought or thoughts might have brought upon those anger triggers.
You might be surprised to find they are there behind your emotional response.
Do you have any anger triggers that did not get mentioned above? If so, please share them with us in the comments section below so we can all heal together!