A lifetime of holding back (in a business team) does not have to be forever.
I’ve always been a horrible team player. To change that, I learned loads about consensus, compromise, and collaboration. The truth is that none of this stuff ever really worked for me.
I have always been a doer, a bit on the crazy side, and when I have an idea, I immediately run with it. And each time I tried all I could until I got utterly frustrated. The others in my team were so damn careful and (in my eyes) brought all great ideas to a stop. Ultimately, I gave up (on myself).
You know these thoughts, right?
- I should not speak up now; later it will be better.
- They are right; their ideas make much more sense.
- I don’t know how to express my idea.
- Something is still missing for it to be perfect.
- Better I keep in the background, that way I at least will not lose my job.
I collapsed into my well-known role of being the victim and spent most of my time blaming the others (it was just so easy that way), constantly talking to myself in my mind, justifying or downplaying the situation.
Surely, this chatter did not make me feel better but instead just kept me busy. I continued drowning in my depression.
At some point, I thought that I just needed to learn to see the value of the others (this was what I was told). So, I tried that. Next, I tried to sit back and relax but that also backfired.
Soon I realized that all that trying, adjusting, faking and forcing simply killed my creativity. I ended up being stuck in my mind.”
Giving up on yourself in other life situations. Familiar?
- You compromise in your relationship, and it leaves you with this bad feeling.
- You say ‘yes’ to a birthday invitation even though you just want to be on your own.
- You give up in a discussion because the other is just more articulate.
- You listen to someone while all you want to do is walk away.
- You are smiling at your mother while all you want to say is: “Leave me alone!”
Although I was unhappy and bored, I didn’t want to break the status quo: ‘Why me again against the others? I am just too different, too extreme, the outsider. A misfit.’
I was a chicken, afraid that if I would truly show up as Karen – I would be laughed at and ridiculed.”
5 Steps I finally took to stand up for myself:
Taking responsibility (for real).
While attending ShoomKloom, I began taking responsibility. Sounds simple, right? It wasn’t for me, as I never fully got it (although I heard it so many times).
Before ShoomKloom I thought that taking responsibility means to take responsibility for the consequences of my actions – that it comes after the action, as a result. Now I see that it is about taking responsibility for my thoughts and feelings before any action on my part. Nobody but me is responsible for my thoughts and feelings.
Stop blaming the others and resenting the rest of the world.
I loved blaming the others too much (this is not taking responsibility!) and resented life for what I didn’t do. But then I realized that with this blaming I was only hurting myself.
Stop holding back and allow me to be me.
Holding back my love, my passion, my crazy side, my intuition, my joy, and my laughter, that was the frustration. Now, I put ideas out without them being fully ripe. I am not scared of any feedback any longer. I say what I think and stop pleasing.
Recognition that the empowered ME supports the whole team and permits others to do the same.
Amazingly enough, I relax in the team. I don’t mind if things change. I hear the others because I first listen to myself.
There is an invitation for everyone to be real – stressed and peaceful aspects included. Work is flowing easily. What starts with the idea with one of us is coming into full bloom when each one is adding their individual touch.
Exploring and Living new aspects of me
There is no need for me to be extreme any longer. I am exploring nuances about myself, which I never knew existed. I am still a doer. And I am so much more. I can be slow now, laze around, let an idea bake and grow, take a break when needed.
Being me is discovering myself new in each moment, exploring the options, which are presenting themselves freshly. It is offering myself and my gifts in the team play.
Today I enjoy my life to the fullest in deep gratitude – as an entrepreneur as well as walking in the woods alone or meeting friends and loved ones. This I attribute mostly to the fact that I am fully going for what I truly want.