You see people out running, biking, chasing their dogs, skateboarding, paddle boarding, and you just have to wonder. Why are they doing that? Don’t they know you shouldn’t exercise? Think of all the things that could happen!
Listed below are 6 reasons why you should not exercise:
The weather is … weather.
It’s rainy, sunny, cloudy, dark, windy, snowy, hot, or cold. If it’s summer time, it may be just right, and so hammock time, but then you have to fight bugs, snakes, a fallout from passing birds, even sunburn, so why bother? Exercising indoors? You have to go through the weather to get to the gym (or air out the house). Easier to modify a yoga stretch in your recliner while hoisting a good e-book.
You get sweaty and tired.
Sure, go ahead and burn calories. Then what? You’ll need a protein bar or a milkshake or something to get enough energy to sit down and recuperate. That takes money—and time. Plus you’ll need to clean up and rest, which wastes water and takes time. So skip all that and take this to heart: it’s better to stress out while earning more money to buy toys you can play with over lattes. Or wine. Good consumers know this—and do it all the time.
You can get hurt.
It never fails: people get hurt exercising. They break wrists while rollerblading, hit a pothole on a bike and go flying, fall over curbs out walking, play sports and get hit by falling balls, go hiking and get bit by mosquitoes or chased by bears. Exercising is flat-out dangerous. Stay safe and just say no! No one’s ever been injured by a latte or recliner. Not that they’d admit, anyway.
You might miss something important that isn’t on a smartphone.
What would that be, exactly? Find out: that’s why they make recliners.
You’re wasting time that could be spent meditating on a nice cushy floor pillow—or in a recliner.
None of the benefits we hear about meditation involve actually moving your body, unless you’re talking about winding through a labyrinth, which could cause dizziness and make you fall down, enough said there. Or a walking meditation, which could do what exactly? Nothing that can’t be done just as well sitting down. Firmly.
There’s always chocolate.
Wine and beer have cardiovascular and anti-cancer properties, coffee has antioxidants, and now we have chocolate! Yes, the new übercool solution for good health is to eat lots of dark chocolate, which reduces blood pressure and cholesterol, improves hearts and attitudes, expand waistlines and …
Wait, expand waistlines?
Is that what everybody’s doing out there, discovering that exercise is actually something we should do? Push-ups, running, biking, dancing … all create healthy, fit bodies.
Bodies that have room for chocolate.
Who wouldn’t get out of a recliner for that?