You’ve had a handful of dates in the last 6 months, but still haven’t met your match.
You’re ready, you want to meet someone terrific to build a life with but you’re not sure what to do next. Should you sit back and let the universe do all the work? Or double-down on Tinder?
Follow these tips for finding love in the New Year and allowing the universe help YOU connect with someone wonderful.
If you’re 35 or older…
Find the courage to admit that single life isn’t for you.
Movies, TV shows, and popular music often celebrate #singlelife. If you truly prefer to live alone, that’s terrific. But many people are single by default, not by choice. Acknowledging that there is a gap in your life, maybe loneliness as well can release feelings of vulnerability, shame, and failure. It’s a very brave thing to do! Following this admission, many people experience an upswing of energy and purpose. Surf that surge of momentum, and let it spark action on your part.
Commit to attending 5 or more social mixers each month.
I am a huge Meetup.com fan: so many of my female clients have married wonderful men through Meetups, guys they never would have crossed paths with otherwise. (Bonus tip: If there’s not a suitable Meetup in your area, start your own!) In addition, carve out time to do the following: create a profile and try online dating; attend speed-dating events, and put the word out among your trusted social circle that you are open to being set up. Schedule all your dating activities; if you don’t put it on your calendar, it’s easy to forget or slack off.
Consider relocating to the nearest urban center.
If you’re comfortably settled in the outer ‘burbs, you won’t like this suggestion. But many people at a mid-career level benefit from moving to a more densely-populated area with greater career growth and opportunities. I’ve lived all over the country, and I serve a client base that stretches from the east to the west coasts. Where you choose to live absolutely affects your dating life. A 45-year-old single woman living in Manhattan has many social opportunities. If that very same woman found herself in a little Cowtown in Nebraska, she’s down to coffee-hour after church on Sunday. (And, yes, in the Midwest, it feels like all the men over 26 are taken.)
If you’re under 35…
Be a rebel.
It’s hard to place marriage and children at the top of your priorities list when everyone around you thinks casual hook-ups are no big deal. But if you get distracted by go-nowhere relationships, you may waste valuable time. I can put you in touch with many women who suddenly woke up at age 38, 42, or 51 and realized they were missing out on lasting love. As we age, life gets in the way, and it can be harder to meet your match.
Ignore dating advice from your single girlfriends.
Her advice comes from a well-meaning place, but your school or workplace bestie may not possess the road-tested wisdom you need. Worse, she may feel a little twinge of jealousy if she sees that you easily captivate men. This friend might urge you to act, against your better judgment, just to stir things up: “Go ahead, text him, how else will he know he likes you?” Or, she may lean toward the other extreme, and promote diva-like standards that simply aren’t realistic: “I’d never settle for coffee on a first meeting—he should be spending more money and treating you like a queen.” Either way, her true motives are a little murky, and she probably understands less about dating and relationships than you do.
Consider moving to the Midwest.
If you read tip #3 above, you saw this one coming…
If you’re a 20-something, marriage-minded woman, you should know that there are men your age who similarly prioritize a walk down the aisle before age 30. They just aren’t commonly found on the Upper West Side or in Avalon Hollywood. There’s very little stigma around being a wealthy, 40-something bachelor in Los Angeles. But, in the suburbs of Kansas City, that same guy might get the side-eye. So, if you’re checking out graduate programs or that first paying job, be sure to research demographics as well. Place yourself in an area where you are likely to be surrounded by singles your age who also share your values.
Success in dating is partly a numbers game. There is an irresistible swirl of energy around a woman who can choose from multiple suitors. This woman is not overly focused on any one man and, somehow, her dates can sense that. She can relax and enjoy being courted. This is the kind of romantic abundance that I wish for you in the New Year. Make it a priority, set yourself up for success, and help the Universe help you.