5 Redeeming Outcomes of Breaking Through Emotional Barriers
Life has its ups and downs and it can be stressful especially if one grew up in unhealthy, stressful, toxic, or even an abusive home environment. I know how it feels like and when I moved to the US almost 20 years ago I finally started healing my past as I was faced with an abusive marriage. I am fortunate that I have worked with some great therapists and healers who were key to my recovery and now I am helping others to do the same in my clinical practice.
I used to feel really victimized and had very low self-esteem and was worried that I will never be happy or whole again. What I learned from my healing journey in 20 years that key to healing is your MINDSET. If you see yourself as a victim, like I did, you will have those kinds of experiences. You know what the Law of Attraction teaches us – What you focus on, persists. You attract people and situation in your life that reflects your thoughts and beliefs. So in order to change, you need to change your mindset and especially your belief that you are a victim.
Recently I read a very inspiring article in Psychology Today that talks about what are some of the beneficial, and even positive results of growing up in an unhealthy family environment.
As per Megan Hustad (Psychology Today, April 2017 issue, p. 74) “The standard model holds that early suffering leads to further setbacks as an adult because those who emerge from a punishing childhood are so damaged by those years that they may never live up to their full potential. They may be more prone to depression and score lower on tests of intelligence and memory. They also appear to be at greater risk for a range of physical ailments, from chronic back pain to heart disease.”
While this might be true, as per writer there are some redeeming outcomes as well.
- They apply faster decision strategies and don’t procrastinate as much. For example, they tend to get married earlier and also have sex earlier and don’t delay gratification as opposed to people who grew up in a relatively stress-free environment and work hard, study hard, and get married later in life.
- Most of them are also more creative and less perfectionistic. According to the author, “Bruce Ellis of the University of Utah describes this trait as the ability to “unstick yourself,” a type of cognitive flexibility that correlates positively with traits such as creativity.”
- They adapt more easily to changes, such as unpredictable economy as they grew up in unpredictable environments and had to learn how to adapt quickly.
- They are also highly flexible and more willing to take significant risks without knowing what the outcome is going to be.
- They are more able to multi-task and able to decipher several elements at a time. According to the author, another colleague, Bianchi “believes that growing up with stress may promote certain forms of associative learning—the ability to recognize that multiple elements of one’s environment are connected in some way or that certain behaviors will be rewarded”. They might be more skilled at identifying different or novel solutions.
So, next time when you feel badly about having a rough childhood also think about what has that experience taught you and what strengths have you gained. As for me, one of the key things was that I am very intuitive and learned how to read people’s emotions very easily. I know from the first moment when I meet them who is genuine or not; I just had to learn to trust that. Most of all, all my suffering served a purpose as over the last 15 years I have helped thousands of my clients to heal from abuse, trauma, and challenging relationships.