My whole life I had a sincere desire to be happy.
I always claimed to be a happy person and those around me would say that I was always “happy and cheerful.” There were moments of happiness but never a consistent deep soul level of joy. There was still something missing, and I could never pinpoint what it was. Yes, there were jobs, friends, and especially love relationships that would provide me with a dose of happiness, and much of the time my kids would give me that. But when they would leave, or the novelty would wear off, my notice of the “happiness void” would rear its ugly head.
And there I was again, empty, confused and reaching for things on the outside to make me feel better on the inside. Whether it was shopping, a cocktail, surfing the web, a night out, anything that would give me a little dose of dopamine. Momentary glimpses of happiness that wouldn’t last. Finally, after exhaustion from running on the hamster wheel, I had to take a look at what was going on with me internally. At that point, I had to admit it was an “inside job.”
What was it going to take for me to find the happiness that I so longed for? I had to start digging.
Of course, no one wants to dig; it’s like digging through a murky lake that has been polluted for years with no life and tons of garbage buried beneath the surface. Can’t I just leave it alone and pretend that it is not that polluted? No, if you do that, then you will only attract more pollution, bacteria, and horrific odors. There will never be new beautiful growth, healthy life, and happy people coming to swim. Here I was with all the information I needed to start filtering through the debris, and shared below is what I uncovered.
Happiness was something that was hindered for me as a child.
I grew up in a volatile household, and when I was happy, it was not acceptable to those around me. Someone would get angry and put an end to the fun and play. It only took several times for me to make the decision that “it is not safe to be happy” and “I don’t deserve to be happy.” I continued to live by these two rules. They became beliefs because they were confirmed to me over and over again. The Universe presented scenarios that I chose to use to reinforce my beliefs. Throughout my relationships, one day would be great and happy and then wham-O my partner or my parent would be ticked off, and everyone had to walk on eggshells. When I was happy, something would always go wrong to the point where I knew it was just a matter of time before the other shoe would drop.
Now I knew enough to dismantle the lies and reemerge that little girl who indeed did deserve to be happy. My new mantra became “I deserve to be happy!”
YOU deserve to be happy! We ALL deserve to be happy!
It is our birthright, and no one should ever take that from us. Unfortunately, as children, we do not have the subjective mind to be able to question what is going on around us and often as adults we have not been able to pinpoint the source of our unhappiness.
So, armed with this new information, I was able to eliminate those things in my life that were not congruent with my new belief system. I started to really take inventory of what surrounded me and how things made me feel. And I began to honor that voice instead of abandoning myself as I had done my whole life. I finally started to understand what I had been reading. Our external world is a reflection of our internal world.
Here is what I committed to doing every single day:
- I spent time every morning nourishing my body, mind, and soul with a ritual that includes meditation, a run, and reading something that gives me encouragement or inspiration that my life could actually get better.
- I take time each day to dismantle any beliefs that I had deep in my subconscious mind, face the trauma from my past, and acknowledge what it made me believe about myself.
- I take 100% responsibility for my current life situation and make changes with anything I didn’t like about it. There is a lot!! It is definitely a process, and I am still clearing out baggage that no longer serves me, but my load is so much lighter.
- I started to really tap into my inner guidance (higher self, higher power, or whatever you want to call it) and started to listen. Really listen to how I was being guided and what I was being told. It is the voice of ‘love,’ and we really need to be quiet to hear it.
I suddenly started to consistently feel a deep sense of happiness.
I listened to that inner child and gave her what made her smile. I have the greatest joy I have ever experienced now, and life is smooth, easy, and fulfilling. I even became inspired to write a book on happiness.
How can you find your happiness? What can you do for yourself that will add just a little more joy? What can you eliminate that does not bring you happiness?
You are a powerful being, and you have choices that you can make to bring more happiness.
Are you willing to do the work to clear out the murk or will you continue to let the polluted waters rot and contaminate everything around it?
The choice of happiness is yours to make!