I have been thinking a lot about the unwise choices that I made in my past, and the missed opportunities that they resulted in. I’m sure you have some too. We all do. The blessing is that a our Divine Creator blesses us with an alternative path or situation that can be just as wonderful.
If we so choose, that is. What do I mean by that?
Well, for example, I often see people make the choice not to love, or open their heart because of fear. I’m sure you know people like that. You may be in love with someone like that. Or lost a relationship because of this. Or this may be you.
Fear of another failed relationship, fear of being hurt, fear of being vulnerable. There are many reasons. But it’s always about fear. At all times we are either in fear or we are in love. We are either open or we are closed. Expansive or contracted.
With creative souls, (and we are all creative souls) I see the choices of not going to that event. Not making the phone call. Saying no instead of saying yes. Not completing the project. Dropping out of the group. Not showing up. Canceling the gig. Making unhealthy choices for our bodies. So many choices due to fear. Our shadows. Call them unconscious choices. Unconscious choices based on fear can really derail our best intentions.
What those fears and shadows are as varied as people, but they are usually colored with;
“I’m not good enough”
“I’m not ready.”
“Everyone else is better than me.”
“I don’t belong.”
“I don’t know how”.
“I don’t have what it takes.”
Those are some reason we make poor choices, but how do we get over the choices that we made that weren’t so great?
All those missed opportunities to love or success?
We must make peace with our past.
Make peace with our choices, and to do that you must see the gift that came with the choice.
I will give you a personal example.
Yesterday I was listening to Marie Forleo talk to Adam Braun about living your purpose. He spoke about that moment in your life when you get hit with an inspiration that fires you up, and about following that moment with action.
I call that a divine clue that whispers of your purpose.
Some call it finding your bliss.
I call it “Finding Your Bless.”
I was thinking about my own inspired moment, and the unconscious choices I made afterward that could have sabotaged it.
Thank God that God had other plans for me, but sometimes fear and “not good enough” can take us off course.
One thing I have learned is that sometimes that ship you think your sailing is being sailed by a better captain than you.
Sometimes we are less sure, less confident. Doubt creeps in.
We can encountered difficult people and challenging situations that trigger our shadow places about being good enough or pretty enough, or “whatever” fill in the blank enough.
Sometimes we don’t have the life skills or inner tools to be able to process them and continue to move forward.
Personally, the talents God gave me have been like a ship on a stormy sea, being hit by waves of self doubt.
I did not have the knowledge that I needed to create goals and follow through with action steps and accountability.
For some people that might be just common sense, but that was something I didn’t know about.
I thought the dreams and desire alone would lead me to my destination.
There were times I became more fearful of failure and more and more down on myself until I stopped making choices altogether and gave up my inspired dream.
The truth of the matter was I didn’t have the tools to get me there. I had the talent and the vision, but I had no inner tools, no steps, no road map to get me there.
I also had a lot of fears and shadows that were interfering with my taking action. Those shadows were sabotaging me. I was making unconscious choices.
Regret is not a easy thing throughout our lives.
So how do we make peace with our choices when we feel we let ourselves or others down?
First of all, Life is a process of learning and we are all works in progress.
But we also must see the gold in the choices. We must see the good it has given us.
I will give you an example. Here is the “gold” from those choices I made:
I would not be doing what I am today. Which is being of service to others.
I help other people who have lost their way.
I have helped thousands of people, because I get it. I’ve been there too. My motto is “Heal Your Heart, Heal the World” Changing the world, one person at a time.
I also would not be married to the most wonderful man I could ever dream of. We just would not have met.
I would not be living by the ocean in our little cottage with my gardens and my animals which feeds my soul.
I would not have this site and all the art, meditations, writings, etc. It wouldn’t exist and you wouldn’t be reading this.
Think about the gold in yours.
What are the good things that came from them?
What did it teach you about yourself? What nugget of wisdom did you get from it?
How did it help the evolution of your soul?
Write it down. Journal it.
We have to find the good, we have to find the gold in the choices of our past in order to be at peace with them and be at peace with ourselves.
To forgive our past we have to find the gold within it.
And another thing we can do is do our inner work so our current and future choices are not made unconsciously.
We must do our deep work so that we make more conscious choices than unconscious choices.
Those unconscious choices come from our shadow, our fears, with our resistance and excuses.
The key is making choices based on what are divinely inspired purpose is and not based on the “I’m not good enough.”
We begin to make inspired choices that bring us toward our vision instead of away from it.
I’ve been there. And know what regret feels like.
But I don’t feel that regret anymore.
I feel blessed, and grateful. Fulfilled.
I didn’t have the tools I needed then.
But I have them now.