The tragedies in our lives take a toll on us.
Emotional pain overwhelms your senses and becomes your theme experience…that is, until you recover. And finding your way to feeling good again can be exhausting. It can be a hard inner-battle to fight.
And there is more at stake in the need to recover than feeling good again. You need to clear the pain of the current tragedy (enough) to handle any others that may occur. You are also preparing for upcoming opportunities. And let’s not forget about being good for your current relationships.
I have become a master at getting through tragedy intact (good for myself and others, and ready for the opportunities heading my way). To show you some good ways to do this, I’ll share one of my experiences of going through a tragedy and being intact after the devastation. May this example serve you well.
My Experience with Overcoming A Tragedy
We had finally made it! After a long engagement, buying a house, getting married, and 8 years of family planning, my wife and I had a baby. But this almost didn’t happen. Our 8 years of family planning almost ended in 2 deaths.
Towards the end of my wife’s pregnancy, her body stopped processing food. Both she and our baby were in danger of dying. She needed to be fed nutrition intravenously with a portable machine.
Doing anything I could to keep my family alive, I trained on how to use that machine. I was told that I needed to change the needle and feeding tube twice daily and that if I didn’t replace the needle in my wife’s arm correctly I could cause an air bubble that would quickly go to my wife’s heart and kill her. So, I was helping my wife and child stay alive, but was also in danger of accidentally killing them each time I provided that life-sustaining care.
For the 3rd trimester of my wife’s pregnancy, I began and ended each day hoping I wouldn’t accidentally kill my wife and baby while tending to their medical care. And several times a night, I carried that machine and held my wife steady as we walked down the stairs and up again as she made trips from our bedroom to the bathroom. I provided this care without fail.
During this time, my wife and I felt connected and in love. We were caring well for each other despite the stress and fear. She commented on this at one of our doctor visits as we sat waiting for the doctor to return with test results. She said to me: “We’re doing this so well together. This proves we should be together!” I felt the same way.
Our baby was born, and my wife fully recovered. Finally, after 10 years of being together, we started our own family. We had made it!
And then she was unfaithful. We divorced. I was devastated.
Needing support, I went to a counselor for a few months. Two months into my counseling, my counselor said: “You’re already recovered to the point it takes most people 2 years to get to.” “What are you doing?” he asked me. “Spiritual Kung Fu.” I answered. He told me: “Keep doing it!”
Several months into my divorce, my boss called me into his office (I had gotten my job back after being a stay at home dad for a while). I wondered if I was in trouble when he closed the door behind me. Quite the opposite, he praised me. He told me: “I know you’re in a lot of pain going through your divorce, but I see that you’re doing well anyway. You’re still doing your job well, and you’re even good for morale around here. I’m impressed. Keep up the good work.”
I walked out of his office wondering how was I doing so well? I was still feeling massive pain. Yet, I was also genuinely feeling good too. I felt into why.
Again, the answer was my Spiritual Kung fu self-mastery practice which I had been developing, practicing and teaching for years. This spiritual practice was diminishing my pain and restoring my wellness. I was healing myself.
Healing myself as quickly as I did also benefited my son. I was able to be a good parent for him as I went through my divorce. Despite the pain and stress, I provided my child with a stable home life with me and made our relationship enjoyable as I went through the hurt, frustration, and stress of the divorce and the uncertainty of being able to afford to keep us our home.
By the time my divorce concluded, I had healed myself past the pain of betrayal and the loss of the family I had spent 10 years of my life creating. That dream was sadly dead, but I was intact. I had cleared the heartache out and my heart was fully open and unguarded. I felt wonderfully alive and optimistic about creating a new chapter in my life!
It’s a good thing too because 2 months after my divorce concluded, the next woman for me to love walked up to me at a beach dance party and introduced herself to me. Thankfully for both of us, I was ready! And just like that, my new family had begun.
A Battle in The Heart
When my family tragedy struck, my heart center closed. This was a reflexive attempt to not feel the emotional pain. Ironically, my heart closing made it so I ONLY felt the pain (though less intensely because of the numbness). Closing my heart (love center) had a deadening effect.
My kung fu teacher had taught me to fight with love. I applied that teaching to this battle with emotional pain I was fighting. I reopened my heart. And yeah, I still felt pain, but I also felt love… and instant relief (although small at first). My battle cry became: “There is pain in here, but that’s not all there is!”
Progressively I felt less pain and more love. My love absorbed my pain and turned it into more love. This method of healing pain eventually restored me to feeling my wholeness.
Beyond Myself = Beyond the Tragedy
Another thing that helped me through that tragedy (and others) was my Spiritual Kung fu commitment to be good for other people. I thought and felt beyond my own experience and considered my effect on other people. Not only was I healing to feel good again, I was healing for the good of others as well. With this in mind, I stepped out of victimhood and into my power to recover. Instead of wallowing in my misery, I hurried toward my wholeness. This was freeing.