I recently ended an important relationship, a karmic relationship.
He was in my life when we were very young. First as a fringe friend. Eventually, we moved in together and connected in a powerful way. We had a Summer thing which resulted in the conception of our son (my first child). After years apart, we reunited and were back together for nearly nine years.
He eventually admitted that he had never felt “that way” about me. Never. Did he really mean that? I suppose when we were together, he had the benefit of a warm family, his son, my daughter (he had become close with), a dog, a cat, the house. There was something missing, but I didn’t see it, I thought there was mutual love.
When he told me that my love was not returned, I knew I would never see him again. I ripped off the band-aid that had been for on so long that with its removal my skin came off and my insides were exposed. I was exposed in every way possible. There was the pain, the humiliation, mixed feelings, sorrow, and grief.
He hadn’t died but the grief was there all the same. I felt the fool and had to grieve not only the ending of the relationship, but I also grieve the lie I had been living, the play family I had trusted. The security.
Grief Has Stages:
Whether you’re experiencing a loss through a physical death or being ripped apart for other reasons, there are stages we must go through. They aren’t necessarily always in a neat order, and once experienced, you can expect them to resurface. There are no rules with grief.
First, there’s the denial, that numb feeling. Seeing and knowing your own “truth” rather than the objective reality. The shock of the unthinkable. Denial is like a soft blanket Spirit shrouds us with to soften the blows. We spend time there and it’s a part of the process.
At some point we become angry. One thing that gets me is when anger is judged as all destructive. Righteous anger is full of strength and courage. It’s a turning point. It’s a spiritual rekindling of your spirit. It can even be expressed anger at God or however you experience Spirit. We can feel guilt and remorse. All a part of the process. Anger at ourselves. What we could’ve done differently.
Grieving is messy. It wails, sobs, screams, breaks down, simmers, weeps, begs, falls to the ground, it even dies.
Then it gets up, brushes itself off and though it may seem to move on, it’s always there, waiting for the opportunity for more expression. This is your connection with Spirit.
When you allow yourself to experience the spiritual power of grief and the beautiful release and transformation that tears bring, you’ll realize its value and seemingly unending pain and sadness becomes less scary. To resist grief is to push the pain back into your body, it will not only trap toxic emotions within you, but you’ll also attract similar situations.
Grief can be a beautiful and transforming thing.
Tears are cleansing and taking the time to cry, to wail, to sob is ok. It connects you to all that is. It connects you with the impulse of ALL of the grief out there. We witness the grief of others as well as grief for the way we are mistreating the Earth and certain sectors of its people. Collective grief. Connection with the spirit that will transform you.
When we grieve, we allow release, we cry until there are no more tears, then anger brings a different feeling, even hatred, and that can lead back to the sobbing.
Believe it or not, there are flashes of joy hidden as secret gifts within true, expressed grief. To truly grieve is to slip into a spiritual state like no other, it holds the power of transformation, it’s the fire we need to sit in to truly live.
If you’re going through an active grief process, I invite you to consider these gifts. If you are not in active grief look around. There is always something to grieve. Look at the world, watch the news, notice how people are treated, how animals are treated, violence, loss, and pain that is always there.
How to Grow Spiritually Through Grief:
To access old grief, to process and unleash or release it, you can write in a journal with abandon. Rant, keep your pen moving, allow emotions to be expressed. You can even start out by writing about something from your past. Go from there. Cry, get angry, and emote.
Create art, poetry. Go for a walk or run, lay in a dark room and cry, turn to any spiritual tools you work with like crystals or stones, meditation, mantras, prayer, and malas.
Greet Grief as a Treasured Guest and Make Time for It:
If you have unexpressed grief and are trapped in any of the stages.
If you feel numb and unable to cry, if you have negative feelings toward yourself, consider booking a Shadow Session with me to work with these things and find ways to take action so you move through it rather than get trapped in it.
A Shadow Session is not a replacement for work with a therapist or mental health counselor. Coaching helps you find a forward motion through actions and experiences.