Being Single and Happy on Valentine’s Day is Possible:
You can have a Happy Valentine’s Day if you’re single. It’s not as hard as you might think and with a tiny, enchanted tweak, you can also have a heart filled with happiness and joy that lasts long after other people’s chocolates and flowers are gone.
I’ve had a psychotherapy practice for over thirty years and prior to every Valentine’s Day, I share these tips and tricks to help single people maneuver through this tough time. Let’s start with the facts. Two and half minutes after the ball drops on New Year’s Eve, ads for the perfect Valentine’s Day appear. That gives you approximately a month and a half to feel wretched about being single. Some will scramble to get into a relationship just to quell the pain and anxiety brought on by being single during this Hallmark holiday. That’s not a solution I would wish for you.
Reasons That You’re Single:
There are actual reasons that you may be single. You might have suffered the physical loss of a loved one through death. Maybe you’re separated or divorced. Perhaps you haven’t found the person with whom you wish to share your life. It could be that you realized you were in a relationship that truly didn’t serve your Highest Good and so you disengaged from your partner. Maybe you thought you were with the perfect mate but he or she broke up with you. If that occurred, then that partner was not the right fit for you, in body, mind, or soul. Finally, maybe you’re more comfortable experiencing a variety of people and circumstances and don’t desire the attachment of a declared relationship. All of these scenarios have one thing in common. Not one of them is due to the fact that you are unlovable.
Expand the Love on Valentine’s Day:
It’s hard to ignore the ads and store displays that demand that Valentine’s Day is celebrated a certain way. This holiday you can celebrate love in all of its forms! There is a love of a family of origin, a family you’ve created, with or without a current partner, friends, kind people who facilitate aspects of your life, such as the mail person, the grocery clerk, your favorite barista, or a former teacher. When you begin to celebrate love itself, and not the fixed model that the ads perpetuate, you can open up your entire world. Self-love is first.
Enchanted Key to Altered Perceptions:
The focus of my work is that life is intended to be an enchanted journey. Dragons, a.k.a. inner or outer fire-breathing critics, create obstacles for us to overcome. There are 10 Enchanted Keys that help us unlock our power to manage or banish our stress about these obstacles, allowing us to walk on the path towards the Land of Enchantment. The magic in the Key to Altered Perceptions allows you to flip an old or wounded perspective of Valentine’s Day on its Dragon head. But we don’t want to slay the Dragons. We want to redirect them, harness their power, and use them to pull our chariots. Here’s how to change your perception of feeling alone, isolated, and excluded if you’re single on Valentine’s Day.
Here Are 10 Ways to Celebrate Love This Valentine’s Day:
- Host a get-together with a few friends, the weekend prior to Valentine’s Day, and make cupcakes or pink smoothies, and create Valentines with scissors and glue, stickers, markers, and hearts. (They don’t have to be the romantic, “mushy” kind.)
- On Valentine’s Day distribute the cards to residents of an assisted living facility or nursing home.
- Make valentines to mail to your friends that live in or out of state.
- Make the rounds to your local shopkeepers, fire, or police stations, to let them know you appreciate them.
- Hand out cards to your co-workers that celebrate the day. (Just like it was in the classroom, include everyone and keep it light-hearted and joyful.)
- Put a few balloons on your mailbox or a sign in your yard. If you live in an apartment, put the sign on your door.
- Make a list of some random acts of love and kindness you can perform.
- Visit places that have pet adoptions and even if you’re not in the market for a pet, show them some love.
- Volunteer at a shelter to serve food on that day.
- Make a donation to feed hungry children.
Here Are 5 Ways to Show Yourself Some Love:
- Prepare a relaxing bath with lavender and rose petals. (No Dragons allowed in the bathtub by the way.)
- Make a special dinner for yourself. You are worth it.
- Recognize Dragon chatter in your head and vow to replace it with loving thoughts. (This can become a positive-minded game.) Dragons have a ton of great material to torture you with on Valentine’s Day if you let them. Please DON’T feed those Dragons!
- Challenge yourself to make a decadent dessert to enjoy that uses healthy ingredients. Stevia, instead of sugar, and coconut oil, instead of vegetable shortening. Dark chocolate, itself, is full of rich flavonoids. (Just sayin’.)
- Buy yourself some cozy socks with hearts on them or a cool sweatshirt. (Maybe even wait until the day after when the prices on these items are greatly reduced!)
Don’t Make it Mean More Than It Does:
Lastly, please don’t assign negative meaning to yourself on this day, or any other day, on the calendar. Life is an ever-changing journey and you are a unique and lovable journeyer. You are love in its highest form, just as you are. Tap into that and have a Happy Hearts Day!
– Dr. Terry
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