Holiday gatherings, family, food, this should be a joyous time of year, yet for many, there is stress, sadness, and anger.
Awareness = The Power of Choice = The Power to Change
As you think about the upcoming holidays, what do you foresee that will “keep you from being happy?” Life is balanced, like the Yin-Yang symbol. Where we see darkness, there is always light. Consider that it may actually be YOU that’s keeping you from being happy.
The Power of the Neutral Observer
When the actions of others send us off balance, we can miss that this is ultimately our choice. We may have been acting within a drama for years without consciously seeing it. This realization alone can empower us!
Stop for a moment and imagine yourself in a hovercraft or drone. Rise above what’s going on. What role are you playing? Is it always the same or do you seesaw with a family member? How are you stepping back from your true self? Are you mirroring the behavior(s) you dislike?
Will Others Be Our Captors? Or Will They Be Our Teachers?
I have a friend I\’ll call Sally. Sally feels upset when she\’s around her sister-in-law, Amanda. Sally observes Amanda as a “complaining victim who always sees the dark side of every situation.”
When Sally is around Amanda, she feels unsure of herself because “Amanda is just waiting for me to mess up.” Sally has been totally stressing out in anticipation of being with Amanda for the holidays. Sally is allowing her happiness to be based upon what Amanda does or does not do, past-present-future. In essence, Sally is in the victim role. Moreover, she’s just waiting for Amanda to mess up! She’s enacting the behavior she disdains in Amanda! What?!
Sally continues, “Amanda\’s the only person I\’ve been forced to have in my life that thinks the worst of me and is waiting for any dirt she can dig up on me. It\’s sad and hard for me to deal with. Usually, I just say \’see ya later\’ to people like her, but I can\’t because of the family situation.” Sally, perhaps “The Universe” has served you with the best in-your-face teacher SO THAT you can find your power. You cannot easily run away from this one! What if being with Amanda is BY DESIGN for your soul’s self-mastery!?
Know Your Worth
What others think of us only matters if we choose to try on their view or even wear it. If Sally were able to see Amanda’s judgment, not as a personal attack but as an effort to push her own pain outward, she may be able to hold her own space of compassion.
Perhaps Amanda has little self-love or self-worth. Sometimes “mean people” are just craving love but also fear rejection so self-sabotage. [My blog “Is It Love Or Fear? What Will You See? What Will You Own?” will provide a deepening of this message.]
When you own your Presence and emotional space, it’s a win-win. You get to live in inner peace and it feels good to be loving. Sally’s goal is not to change Amanda, it’s to realize how she herself is showing up and CHOOSE NOT TO dive into the old dance with Amanda.
We’re here to gain new experiences, so try something new! Feel empowered to choose happiness, compassion, love! You may not always get it right, so be patient and compassionate with yourself and the wounded one within you who may be at the heart of your upset!
When Grief Takes Hold
For some people, “losing a loved one” can put the brakes on living life and cloud the holidays with sadness. But what if that person has stepped aside FOR us to help us shift to another timeline, to find our inner strength, to grow?!? What if our being stuck is also holding THEM back? What if they are not LOST?
Death of the physical body is only “the end” if WE close that door to our continued connection. At this moment, I assure you, there are many souls who have loved you and are right there supporting you, giving you love, clearing a path and lighting your way! They may actually be closer in spirit than they were able to be in physical form!
Your beloved may be urging you forward. Feel their love enfold you, encouraging you to LIVE! There is perhaps no better way to honor the love we’ve shared than to move forward claiming our best possible life!
Misery Is Self-Sabotage
As you think about the upcoming holidays, decide how YOU will show up. The more you are able to stay present and, in the moment,, the easier it will be to not slip into an old role, dance, or game with others. Look for the light in the situation, even if it’s the realization that you’ve picked some pretty tough teachers on your journey.
If you don’t see the light, BE the light!
Take a Bow, Exit Stage Left
Well, don’t physically leave, but leave the story! It’s hard to believe but sometimes others find their balance in the chaos because it is what’s familiar.
Sometimes our family doesn’t SEE or GET us, but maybe we’re not seeing them either! Rather than feeling others dim your light, see your self transform from sponge to lighthouse! Expand your peace and calm out into the space. Your goal is not to change anyone. It’s to control how you are being and experiencing life!
Be Love, Be Compassion
Like any new skill, this will take some effort and practice, but the rewards will spill out in ways you may not anticipate. Your compassion needs to go to yourself as you learn to more authentically show up as your you-nique essence of love, compassion, light.
Anchor that energy into the Earth and feel supported by a soul family that transcends time and space! I SEE YOU and am happy that you’re here! Reach out if you’d like support on this journey.
Love and Light,
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Kristi Borst Ph.D. is an integrative mind-body-spirit-emotions healer, medical intuitive, spiritual life guide. Private, couple’s, group Perspective Reboot® energy sessions (Wells, ME & by phone/web) ~ pain-relief, healing acceleration, trauma & behavior repatterning.