How Dis-ease Can Lead To Self Discovery

Helena Kalivoda

Do you feed your dis-ease?

I have been dealt some pretty crappy things throughout my lifetime. I look back and see exactly where I fed things that shouldn’t have been fed.

Since the age of two I have been sick, fighting with illness after illness, hospitalizations, being poked and prodded, having radiation surround my body more times than any one person should ever have in a lifetime and all this before my 20’s, my 30’s were no better but my 40’s that is where my shift began.

I have been diagnosed with everything from MS, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Hypothyroidism, Irritable Bowel, Neuropathy, Paresthesia, Chronic Migraines,  depression, and believe it or not…it’s all in my head syndrome. Now all this started at 2, how can a 2 yr old possibly manufacture  serious illnesses. I have lost two babies (both being in my 2nd trimester) and I now have no female organs left ( well one ovary but it doesn’t work anymore)

I don’t tell you this for sympathy, I am sharing a part my story to give you hope.

I struggled all my life trying to figure out what was wrong, why was I always sick, I let it consume me. It became who I was. In all honesty it made me feel significant albeit I hated being sick. I was lost and confused. I was angry all the time, now for those of you that follow my blog you know that most of my anger stemmed from the suicide of my Dad. Now, you add in being ill constantly and you have a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode. I had a brain filled with ickiness. I honestly wondered how I was even able to function, to be a mom, a wife, a daughter.

Now, looking back over it all ( and I look back with gratitude and love, not with resentment or a woe is me attitude ) I look at it as valuable lessons, I realize I was the student who getting ready to become the teacher. (Wow that’s powerful)

I was blessed with so much, and yes including my illnesses and challenges, I didn’t always feel that way (here is where the teacher part comes in) I felt that life had dealt me such a bad rap, what on earth was  I doing to deserve such crap, I was a good person, I took care of my kids, I was a good wife…I didn’t sin, why was I constantly being tested and being thrown difficult challenges. I mean damn hadn’t I already been through enough? A lot of my struggles had to do with my own thinking ( if you remember earlier I had said ‘it was all in my head syndrome’ well believe it or not, a big part of that is truth) I was focused so much on why, what was next and on being ill it actually became ME.  I wasn’t grateful for anything, what did I have to be grateful for…a life of struggle and illness. I was angry!!!! It wasn’t until I hit my 40’s that a shift happened in my life, I got really sick, I was in bed and didn’t honestly care what happened, I had fought for so many years and I was tired. Then this amazing thing happened, I just pretty much woke up one day and seriously said What The Hell! What the hell are you doing, (now there were a few other serious things that happened in that time, but I can’t share those right now) but it lead me to looking in the mirror and asking myself, is THIS who you want to be? A Loser! I was not a loser, I am a Victor! So I said, self…get up off your ass and Live, be grateful for all the amazing things in your life! Stop feeling sorry for yourself, throw your cane away and stand up in your power. And that is exactly what I did!

I started reading and googling and researching, and low and behold there was another way to perceive things…I wasn’t the only one who was experiencing this stuff and others had changed their perception…well so could I. What happened next was almost miraculous. I started seeing Life through different eyes, I realized that I was contributing to my own illnesses. When I paid attention to where my mind was going and what I was focusing on and shifted my thoughts to things that were good and being grateful, my whole world changed! I found Me…who I was meant to be. Wow what an epiphany.

I quit going to the Dr’s and I took my Life back, I stopped taking all those meds that were causing me more harm and I took my health into my own hands. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and I quit being a victim, I began to listen to my Soul and my body…it had something to say and I wasn’t listening.

[Listen to your body, it is trying to tell you something. Negativity, resentment, and anger can and will cause dis-eases of the mind and body.]

I hired a Nutritionist and we began to change my eating habits. He had suggested that I get tested for Gluten issues to which I said come on all those years of testing I am sure it was already done…all the years of Dr.’s and tests and hospitals, believe it or not, not one test was done for a gluten sensitivity or allergy. Yep, we had found our culprit.  After researching I found out all kinds nasty stuff about gluten and what it does to the body, ( if you are sensitive or allergic) I wrote a blog on it “13 Sneaky Symptoms of Gluten Intolerance”

Now, I had that under control the next was my mind. I took up meditation, eventually found an amazing Life Coach (Thank you Lori Tolson of “Soul Synergist”) who helped me work through some unresolved issues…and believe me there were plenty!

I decided that I could help others, no wait, I knew that I could, that I wasn’t given all of this crap to deal with for no reason. It all was beginning to make sense, I had purpose, I had lived a certain kind of life that could inspire and help others along their Journey. That the student was now becoming the teacher ( I will always be a student, I am learning and growing everyday)

Do I still struggle? Absolutely, but what I have learned is that having a positive attitude and being grateful doesn’t keep the challenges from happening, it makes them easier to deal with. Remember, if you remember nothing else from this blog please remember this…. There is always, always something positive to be found in every challenge in life, there is always something to be learned, and with the learning comes growth.

I can honestly say with a heart full of Love that I am truly grateful for each and every single challenge I have faced and overcome, through each one of those I have become stronger and more and more Faithful. I embrace the challenges because I know there is always something better on the other side of them.

Love Your Life! Embrace it and all the challenges that come your way, be open to the chance of growth in your Soul…you’ll need it for the next phase of your existence.

I leave this to you with Love. May you find your peace by embracing your beautiful Life.

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