How to Develop Transcendent Self-Confidence

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How to Develop Transcendent Self-Confidence

~An Adapted Excerpt from The Full Spirit Workout

We’ve all felt the sting of being let down, frustrated, unfulfilled, or not quite good enough in our lives and relationships. I’ve found that when I base my self-worth on who I am and my inherent value as a human being, rather than what others think or how much I achieve, my confidence soars and my inner critic quiets.

Try these four sets of self-confidence step-ups to tone your core sense of self-worth and feel spiritually fit and healthy.

First Set: Develop Self-Sufficiency

Being independent of what others think of me (both positive and negative) and instead of trusting in the God of my own understanding for my value, I have become more self-sufficient and, as a result, experience more peace, freedom, and material success.

Sure, compliments are very nice to hear, but my mood and mental and physical health are no longer dependent on another’s approval of me. As long as we are judging our worth on another’s opinion of us or how people choose to treat us, we will never be able to live up to our full potential and experience true joy.

Second Set: Let People Off the Hook

Instead of looking to others for validation to make us feel worthy or enough, how about reframing our thinking around the notion that nobody owes us anything?

When we are truly anchored in our own self-love and get our self-worth from the unique qualities that make us one of a kind, we become self-sufficient. We don’t need to go to our partners, friends, work, food, alcohol, or social media for a quick ego boost. We can turn inward and look to a higher power for our value, knowing we are enough simply because we are alive.

Third Set: Accept That People Can’t Give You What They Don’t Have

I’ve looked to significant others, bosses, parents, or friends to tell me something to make me feel better or to treat me a certain way so I could feel valued, respected, and loved. To see why this is wrong, let’s take an analogy from the world of work. If a client simply doesn’t have any more money in their budget to pay you, they can’t give it to you, and perhaps the solution is to find an opportunity where the compensation matches the value, skills, and experience you bring to the table. Similarly, if a customer service representative is frustrating you because they can’t help with your request, maybe they lack proper training and thorough information. And in the same way, maybe your partner isn’t respecting you because they lack self-respect.

I’ve learned that the people who have cheated us, hurt us, or done us wrong cannot necessarily make amends; they are either unwilling or unable. Waiting for and expecting others to apologize, make it up to us or even admit they were wrong implies a belief that their actions can make us feel whole again. But when we are dependent on others to make us happy, we will always be disappointed on some level.

The good news is that if we put our faith in ourselves and in the God of our own understanding, we will never be let down. The universe is self-organizing and self-correcting.

Fourth Set: Remember, It’s Not about Keeping Everyone Happy, It’s about Fulfilling Your Life’s Purpose

As long as we are doing our best, honoring ourselves and our purpose, we will feel less and less inclined to seek the approval of others. Instead of feeling offended when people fail to acknowledge us, what if we could see it as an opportunity to expand and grow? What if we embraced the fact that such experiences prepare us to take our lives to the next level and start fulfilling our mission?

The less I depend on people to validate me, the stronger my emotional muscles become and, in turn, the stronger my sense of self-worth. I have accomplished more both personally and professionally in less time and need fewer compliments to keep me going strong simply because of my faith in myself and in the universe. Focusing on the special characteristics that make me uniquely me is much easier and more rewarding than waiting for someone to say or do something that will make me feel good for a little while…until I need my next “fix.”

Our lives truly become fuller when we turn our attention inward to the miracle that we are, release expectations, and stay detached from outcomes and other people’s opinions. Try it out for yourself, and let me know how it goes!

Adapted from the book from The Full Spirit Workout. Copyright ©2021 by Kate Eckman. Printed with permission from New World Library —

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