As we all trek along our journey here on Earth, we are faced with a multitude of challenges that are all designed to help us grow and evolve into our fullest selves.
Forgiveness is one such challenge, or opportunity rather, we are presented with in order to expand and experience the fullness of life itself.
In order to understand how to forgive the “unforgivable,” it’s important to realize the two perspectives at play, which can either keep you stuck in resentment or allow you to flow freely into forgiveness.
The two perspectives I’m referring to here are Ego and Soul.
As I have learned from my spiritual mentors, ego is the perspective that keeps us separate and in denial from Truth. It is our underdeveloped inner-child who simply does not have the capacity to see beyond its own stories and limitations.
That’s why we have our soul, to guide and parent our egos as we grow through our own evolutionary expansion. The soul knows it is connected to All That Is. The soul knows the bigger picture and sees life’s situations outside any constraints the ego may have. The soul doesn’t take anything personally the way ego does because it is not focused only on what it can gain for itself; it’s also concerned with what it can do or be to benefit others.
How the two perspectives play out when faced with experiences that seem so “unforgivable.”
The Ego will hold resistance towards the other person in the form of blame, resentment, anger, rage, and total un-cooperation. Nothing will satisfy the ego until the other person changes or until the situation changes in a way that benefits the ego. It takes on such a limited point of view and such rigid conditions that very few solutions are possible or acceptable, no matter the outcome. Sound familiar? We’ve all been there.
Soul, on the other hand, can view the experience from the perspectives of all involved with gentle detachment. Therefore, it can understand, even if it does not agree with, the reasoning behind the hurtful choices others have made. From this awareness, MANY peaceful resolutions are available, even if it is simply recognizing that the other person is operating from ego and agreeing to disagree.
Examining the “Unforgivable:”
It is not my intention here to list out all the unforgivable things humans do to one another. There are LOADS of other sites that focus on that. What I want to bring into your awareness is a new understanding around “unforgivable” experiences so you can learn how to forgive them and move on.
What makes something so unforgivable? Again, we go back to the ego. It suffered great loss, someone hurt it or those it loves, a boundary was crossed, outbursts of extreme negative emotion were cast upon it; whatever the case, it’s always ego that is shocked into resistance, even spiritually-based egos.
Honoring the “Unforgivable:”
I do want to take a moment to honor whatever “unforgivable” experience you have encountered and are here to grow from. Without it, you wouldn’t be here reading this, you wouldn’t be the awakened person you are today, you wouldn’t be searching for freedom from it, and you certainly wouldn’t have it to grow wiser and stronger from. As “unforgivable” as it may seem, recognizing the benefit it is having (and has had) on you, and having even the slightest bit of appreciation for it, is the first step to gently unwrapping the layers that are keeping it intact.
So, the Big Question Is…
What is your ego still holding onto that is so unforgivable? Is it really for your Highest Good to keep holding onto it? Deep down, you know that the answer is “No.” To free yourself from the entanglement, you must uncover the reason it came to be in the first place. In other words, why do you think your soul would have chosen to experience this “unforgivable” encounter? What is there to learn from it?
Before you answer with an abrupt “I have NO idea,” consider these lessons. It is something you would never do yourself? (That’s probably an obvious one.) Did it happen simply for you to learn how to forgive? To learn how to let go? To learn how to use your focus muscle, be an observer, and practice detachment from negative influences? Did the other person teach you something about people, about emotions, about actions, about yourself and what you’re willing to tolerate in your life? I promise you, there is SO MUCH to learn and so many virtues to gain from such “unforgivable” experiences when you embody your soul’s perspective.
Seeing Outside Your Own Box:
Part of the challenge of forgiveness is actually seeing the encounter from another perspective. If you take a moment to consider what kind of life and upbringing the other person must’ve had in order to do the “unforgivable” thing, you can step outside of what you think to be true and start to see the other person’s truth, however vastly different it is from yours. Call upon a trusted confidant or objective therapist if this seems too daunting to examine alone.
As incredibly challenging as it can be to forgive the “unforgivable,” there comes a point when you must realize this:
It is NOT YOUR JOB to carry around the energy of other peoples’ choices especially when the other person is not taking responsibility for their actions. Just because they are not owning up, does not mean YOU are the one to suffer. Don’t buy into the limiting belief, “But if they don’t, who will?” Creator or Source will hold them accountable by the Law of Cause and Effect.
Your duty during your lifetime is to stay accountable for your own actions and responses to other peoples’ behaviors. Remember, ALL “unforgivable” experiences are here to help you grow and learn forgiveness.
It is only the ego that is so unable to forgive; show it the Lighter way by forgiving the unforgivable.