Resilient relationships, like trees with deep roots, bend, and sway under the weight of conflict. They maintain their integrity and thrive during the storms of life with strength and stability.
Let’s unpack three improvisational Jazz Living principles as foundational keys to building robust and flexible relationships.
Improvisation is making something up in the moment on an existing theme – partly planned and partly spontaneous. In improvisational music, players start with a tune tied to a chord structure and create an interpretation in response to other musicians. We can do the same in our lives. Real life relationships often require improvisation in response to unexpected changes.
The structure we hold steady and stable during the storms of life is our structure of core values. Our core values are the non-negotiables around which we can pivot. I call that the Art of Jazz Living.
Anchoring in Core Values
Imagine your relationship as a majestic tree firmly planted in the soil of shared values. To withstand the gusts of disagreement, non-negotiable core values serve as the tree trunk, strong, steady, and rooted. Core values may differ between individuals but look for those shared values in common. Respect, appreciation, kindness—these are the principles that fortify the resilience of a relationship.
In the dance of differing opinions, I found harmony by respecting another’s views while unwaveringly upholding our shared values.
One day, I received a shocking email from a long-time friend telling me she was ending our relationship. I immediately emailed a reply. I apologize for whatever I did that offended you. I never would intentionally hurt you. Please tell me what happened so I can correct my error. Luckily, my friend was kind enough and brave enough to tell me what I had done and allowed me to make amends.
My friend relayed the story of when she proudly showed me her first tattoo. What blurted out of my mouth was something like, I didn’t think you were a person who would do that. Ooops. She interpreted my statement as a judgment that sounded like her disapproving mother.
I explained my reaction. I am squeamish around needles and I would personally never get a tattoo. The very thought of getting a tattoo makes me uncomfortable. I felt uncomfortable and squeamish when I saw her tattoo. I apologized again and expressed my appreciation for the beautiful artwork on her body. I thanked her for the opportunity to restore the relationship. Happily, our relationship is resilient, and we are still friends today.
I learned we can respect other’s opinions while holding our own values and boundaries. We can speak our truth and, at the same time, accept that others have differing opinions. Maybe if I had lived your life, I would have your opinions too. But I have lived my life and my opinions come from my experiences.
The Golden Rule
One of my core values is to treat other people the way I wish to be treated. This universal spiritual principle is known as the Golden Rule. This might be one of your core values too. In the tattoo story, I realized I did not treat my friend as respectfully as I want to be treated. I stepped outside of integrity with my own core values. We acknowledged our shared values of respect, kindness, and appreciation. It felt easy to apologize and reconcile our friendship.
For me, the Golden Rule is a North Star, a universal principle written in most of the world’s religious scriptures. Treating others as you wish to be treated echoes through centuries and diverse cultures. It’s the heartbeat of International Golden Rule Day on April 5, a celebration of this timeless wisdom.
On this day, the world unites in acknowledging the profound impact of treating others as we wish to be treated. It’s a celebration of empathy, kindness, and the universal truth that resonates across diverse belief systems. The Christian maxim, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” mirrors similar teachings found in Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism, and various other traditions; the essence remains unchanged.
I found this comparison of religious scriptures fascinating:
Buddhism: Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful. (Udana-Varga 5, 18).
Confucianism: Is there one maxim which ought to be acted upon throughout one’s whole life? Surely it is the maxim of loving-kindness: Do not unto others what you would not have them do unto you. (Analects 15, 23).
Hinduism: This is the sum of duty: do naught unto others which would cause you pain if done to you. (Mahabharata 5, 1517).
Taoism: Regard your neighbor’s gain as your own, and your neighbor’s loss as your own loss. (Tai Shang Kan Ying P’ien).
Islam: No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother that which he desires for himself. (Sunnah).
Judaism: What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow man. (Talmud, Shabbat 3id).
Christianity: All things whatsoever you would that man should do to you, do you so to them. (Matt. 7:12)
International Golden Rule Day serves as a reminder that, despite our differences, we are bound by a common thread of humanity. It’s an invitation to reflect on the power of respect, the beauty of understanding, and the strength found in shared values. As we navigate the complexities of relationships, this day encourages us to anchor ourselves in the Golden Rule. Let’s focus on connections that withstand the tests of time and tribulation.
I hope you’ll join me in marking April 5 Golden Rule Day on your calendar as a date to celebrate the golden thread that unites us all.
Grounding in the Physical Body
Now, let’s bring the focus down to Earth, or more precisely, into your physical vessel. Imagine your body as an instrument finely tuned to the chords of emotion. Notice where tension becomes trapped in your body. Headaches and neck aches often come from energy stuck in the head that needs to circulate around the body.
Take a mindful pause, and let the breath anchor you. Bring your awareness from head to heart. Feel the rise and fall of your chest. Notice your heart rhythm. Can you syncopate your breath and your heartbeat?
Imagine you have tree roots growing out of your feet into the earth. Feel the grounding sensation beneath your feet. This awareness doesn’t just center you; it’s the first step in creating a resilient foundation. When you understand the physical manifestation of stress, you gain the power to navigate through it.
Many times, when my clients felt anxious, I’ve helped them notice their energy is rolled up in their head like a window shade. I guide them to breathe from head to heart to belly. From belly through the pelvis, legs, and feet into the earth. When their tree roots are firmly grounded again into the earth, they feel more alive and more centered.
Notice when you are feeling anxious, send your tree roots into the earth. Breathe earth energy back up through your feet, through your torso and out the top of your head like the canopy of a tree.
Ground yourself into your own physical vessel before having an uncomfortable conversation. You will feel more empowered when you are anchored in your core values and grounded in your physical presence.
Plugging into the Power Within
Conflict can be a tempest, but within each storm lies a calm center. Your power source, your Higher Self, your Soul, Divine Self—call it what you will—is your connection to this serenity. When the winds of disagreement howl, connect with the highest and best version of yourself. And try connecting to the other person’s Higher Soul Self.
Shift from the chatter in your head to the rhythm of your heart. Imagine a bridge of understanding connecting your soul to theirs. In this space, ask their guardian angel what they need. Listen with the ears of your heart. It’s not about winning arguments; it’s about the graceful dance of empathy. Get curious, unravel the threads of their perspective, and let them feel seen and heard.
Agreeing isn’t the goal, but understanding is the bridge. When they sense the warmth of being heard, the walls may crumble, paving the way for reciprocal understanding. It’s the alchemy of conflict resolution—a dance where the partners leave the floor with newfound insights.
A wonderful resource for building bridges to resilient relationships is our Wellness Universe Women’s Empowerment Coach Marisa Ferrera. Marisa is passionate about helping heart-centered women who struggle with conflict and drama in family relationships to calmly and lovingly speak up for themselves while standing in their Divine Feminine Power.
One of Marisa’s greatest gifts is her ability to teach others how to create healthy boundaries and transform conflict into opportunities for healing so they can experience deeper and more meaningful connections with the people they love.
Marisa had a conversation with Wellness Universe founder Anna Pereira about developing healthy relationships and healthy boundaries. You can check out the conversation HERE.
In the intricate art of building resilient relationships, practice jazz living. Let your non-negotiable core values be the anchor, your body the grounding, and your soul the guiding light. Navigate the challenges of disagreement with grace, and you’ll find that storms don’t uproot you or knock you off center; they reveal your inner strength.
Connect with Leah on The Wellness Universe.
Resources
- Golden Rule Project https://www.goldenruleproject.org/
- April 5 International Golden Rule Day https://www.goldenruleproject.org/international-golden-rule-day
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Leah Skurdal guides people to up-level their stress resilience to improve relationships. Leah shares intuitive insights in private Energy Healing to address the roots of disharmony. As an inspirational speaker and published author, Leah offers lively classes, experiential workshops, and keynotes.
