She looked at me, tears welling up in her eyes, and asked me: “How do I just let go and move on?”
I could see the weight of her sadness in the way her shoulders pulled forward. The exhaustion painting dark circles under her eyes no amount of makeup would conceal. Her hands nervously picked at her shirtsleeve; while her foot tapped listlessly on the floor. A hopeless energy seemed to radiate from her entire being.
She felt broken. She felt weak, helpless. She was lost and confused: certain she would forever feel as she did in that moment. Having all but given up hope for better days, all she wanted to do was forget it all, yet found the more she tried, the further into her abyss she descended.
She repeated it; “How do I just let go and move on?” Her voice cracking as she whispered it to me and my heart broke for her. She came to me because she knew I would give it to her straight, she knew I wouldn’t just pat her on the back and tell her she was fine. She wasn’t fine and she knew it. She didn’t want to be placated and that in itself told me more than her whispers did.
She was a fighter.
I could see it in her eyes. I could feel the restlessness of her soul. She was a fighter – only, she had forgotten for the moment. She isn’t the only one, many souls have forgotten how incredibly strong and resilient they are. When they feel overwhelmed and filled with despair – they only allow themselves to feel their weakness. Never realizing it’s in those moments they are actually at their strongest because they are fighting their absolute hardest at that exact same time – to survive. The bad days aren’t highlighting their weakness, the bad days are highlighting their innate strength.
The truth of the matter is this – letting go and moving on is as simple or as hard as you make it.
When something happens to devastate your heart and soul, something that changes your life and the world you live in – you both acclimate and figure out a new way of life or you don’t. You either hang on to what was, the before, or you let it go. It’s as simple and as hard as that. We complicate it. We allow our emotions to control us and let them run wild. Blaming it on whatever happened. We justify our brokenness. Often failing to take responsibility for ourselves in the aftermath of something that hurt us and instead find all the reasons why we need to hold onto the sadness, the anger and all other emotions it evoked inside our souls. We give ourselves a pass for feeling as we do. We are hurt. We are devastated. Of course we are. Something traumatic happened. But eventually, you have to stop using it as an excuse to not move on.
We can’t let go because we gave into it. We can’t let go because we’ve convinced ourselves we are stuck.
We can’t let go because we are crushing ourselves under the weight of it and instead of stepping back and seeing it all for what it is – we continue on, righteous in our pain.
Letting go is a process. However lengthy or short a process is up to the individual. It is totally acceptable to cry, lament and feel hollow. It’s totally okay to have meltdowns and lose our minds for a while. We are human. What we shouldn’t do is unpack and live in these moments forever. Too often – this is exactly what we do. We get frustrated and tired. We get scared of what else could happen. We feel guilty because moving on feels like we are disrespecting someone we loved and lost.
Raw truth of it is – it never goes away completely. It will always be interwoven into your soul because it’s a part of your story, your history. Letting go only means – letting go of its hold on you, your life and your future. Letting go happens when you decide you are worth more than the memories. When you decide your life and your future mean more to you than what happened.
Letting go is taking your power back and saying – no more.
Letting go and moving on is a conscious decision. You decide that you want your life back and then fight like hell to do just that. It doesn’t matter who you used to be, it only matters who you become. There is no overnight fix for it. There is no easy way. Letting go requires work. It requires dedication to the one person in the world you should always fight for – yourself.
It requires personal responsibility.
You can and you will get to a better place. Acclimate. Make changes. Some will work, others won’t. Figure out what does and carry it forward into your new life. A life you have total control over.
Remind yourself of your fight. It’s been there the whole time.