Looking For Love in All the Wrong Places

Love yourself written in sand on a beach

“You’re looking for love in all the wrong places, and every place you look is the wrong place, other than looking within.” — Abraham Hicks.

The launch of the book Complete Self-Care … 25 Tools for Goddesses will be happening any day now and I am so honored to be one of the contributing authors. The title of my chapter is A Spiritual Solution to Low Self-Esteem. I chose this topic because it’s an issue I’ve struggled with for the first fifty years of my life before coming across a Spiritual understanding known as The Principles. 

In the 25 Tools for Goddesses book, I share the story of my crazy dysfunctional childhood and how amongst other things, being abandoned by my father contributed to me growing up with debilitating low self-esteem. I’ve always found it interesting that a man I had never met could have such a significant influence on my life and my relationships. 

You see, growing up in a narcissistic environment, I used to fantasize that my life would have been better if my father had been around. I innocently carried this unconscious belief that “my life would be better if I had a man in it” into my adult life. 

In my early twenties, I was rarely alone. Instead, I ping-ponged from one relationship to another. If one of my relationships ended, in a blink of an eye, I was looking for the next one. I had no idea that the love and security I was so desperately searching for from a man was already within me. 

It was a classic case of codependency. Innocently, my dependency on having a man in my life left me vulnerable to being abused in my relationships. I was attracted to narcissistic men who appeared powerful, confident, and strong. The type of qualities I mistakenly believed I didn’t possess. 

My fear of being alone had me ignoring healthy boundaries. I was constantly moving the goalpost to accommodate the toxic behaviors of the narcissists in my life for fear that they might leave me. My self-esteem was so low I didn’t believe I could survive without them. I didn’t believe I deserved to be treated any better, and I didn’t believe I could survive without their “love.” Thankfully I had an excellent therapist who helped me see that abuse is not real love. 

Therapy helped me make sense of my childhood, but it couldn’t help me fully heal from my codependent thinking and behavior. It was only after I came across The Principles that I found the way out of my unhealthy patterns. I refer to The Principles as the icing on the cake regarding my healing. Once I understood the inside-out nature of life, I stopped searching for love in all the wrong places.

Firstly, I saw that the feeling of love I had for another person was coming from within me, not from them. Secondly, I saw that I was equal to everyone else on the planet and deserved to be treated with love and respect. Thirdly, I saw that I didn’t need to be rescued by a man, as I had just as much wisdom, resilience, and well-being within me as they had within them. 

Once I saw all that, I stopped looking for a man to complete me. Instead, I savored the love that I found within myself. The irony was when I stopped Looking For Love in All the Wrong Places; I found the love of my life! For the last twelve years, I have been in the most loving, kind, and respectful relationship I have ever experienced.

These days I love to help my clients heal from codependency and narcissistic abuse so they too can experience the freedom and joy I was able to find. So, if you are interested in learning more about my coaching packages, please reach out to me, and we can set up a call to see how I can best be of service to you. 

With love and appreciation, Del 💕

Connect with Del Adey-Jones on The Wellness Universe and walk away feeling better!


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