I know this doesn’t sound like one of our typical Wellness Universe inspiring messages, all warm and fuzzy like. But maybe it will resonate for someone out there, and if so, maybe my crankiness will serve a purpose. Stranger things have happened, right?
Once upon a time, my anticipation of a coming Christmas started the day school started at the end of summer. But not anymore. Now, when I think of Christmas it is with a certain amount of dread. In recent years I’ve often just wished it would come and go and not leave deep tracks across my heart.
On “the good days” I realize that it is upon me once again to turn something old, into something new. As Carrie Fisher was once quoted as saying, “Take your broken heart and make it into art.”
This year I will probably spend Christmas Day in and out of bed.
Just as I have for the past few years. Christmas is mostly for families and for love, but my own family wrenched apart in so many different ways a long time ago. Deaths along the way, a suicide that left its crush, separations, a divorce, and heartbreaks too numerous and profound to adequately describe in a little “Merry Christmas” blog.
Christmas, always that pivotal time of year, now brings me in touch with something else. Christmas now brings with it the possibility and potential of transformation. And the rekindling of love. Love of the most unconditional kind. Ahhh, the love. That IS still there. And, lo and behold, it’s even growing stronger.
As my body, mind, and spirit determine to recover that which is and has always been essentially mine, little by little, my heart remembers the love. And, it’s that love and only that love, which makes all the rest bearable and surmountable. What other choice is there, anyway? A slow death? A rapid death? Nah, that would be too easy. What’s left then? Transformation, and transmutation. It’s all that’s left. And for that to fully happen, it takes rest. Lots and lots of good, deep, solid rest.
So, spending Christmas Day in bed really isn’t such a bad thing at all.
It’s a human thing. It’s an honoring of the “What’s So” in my life, in a very real and sober way. I used to accept invitations to spend Christmas Day with other people’s families, but that never seemed to do the trick. It was nice and all, but it never seemed to make it okay that I missed my own loved ones so much. No amount of turkey, gravy, stuffing, and champagne could dull the ache of missing the people I’ve loved the most.
Christmas Day in bed has turned out to be my better option because it is the most real one for me.
It’s the one that brings me closer to myself. In tantra, my chosen path, what we do is we do our best to feel what we REALLY feel. Not “wallow.” Just be present to whatever is most real. And not try to distract ourselves from that because, “What you can feel, you can heal.”
So, if by some sorry chance your Christmas isn’t promising all sugarplums, jovial relatives, or a shiny new Lexus, call me. I’ll probably be right here sticking pins in the Grinch voodoo doll I made a couple years ago.
And if you need a little permission to spend Christmas Day in bed all by yourself, consider this:
I came across this post by Claudius Van Wyk a few Christmases ago, and it always inspires me at this time of year. So, I thought I’d share it with you.
“I want to explain why I love Christmas.
The Greek philosopher Aristotle gave us the definition of the entelechy, which is ‘…a set of conditions in which a potentiality can become an actuality.’
In the on-going creative and evolutionary process ‘things come together’ to create a potential new order. In complexity theory, a critical condition is reached which can result in two outcomes – a new re-arrangement into a higher order, or a disintegration into chaos. Scientists studied the physics of this premise. In such a condition some ‘trigger’ serves to release the new ‘state’. From a spiritual perspective, this insight now enables us to reconsider Christmas.
Two thousand years ago there was an ‘entelechy’ in which a set of conditions would enable a potentiality to become an actuality. For me, Christmas remains a reminder of the on-going process and opportunity of human liberation into higher qualities of consciousness, informed by an ethos of love.
And then, since a new ‘whole’ was actualized on that night of ‘whatever the real date was’, it can still be regarded as ‘A Holy Night.’ And as such it holds the opportunity of not only a proper celebration, but of receiving the greatest gift possible. The gift of love.”
So, whatever the outward appearances of this day may be for you, even if it means Christmas Day in bed, I wish you the best and most beautiful gift of all… I wish you love.
Merry Christmas, Everyone, and Happy Entelechy!
(This article was originally published on December 25th, 2018)
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