EUREKA! For the second time in my life, some very troubling, long-standing family pain in ME is resolved – by ACCEPTANCE/ non-resistance. DUH!
Something is very much not the way I prefer and I keep puzzling about who’s right, who did what when and why, who’s misunderstanding who, etc – and how to fix it…but that’s co-dependence.
Yikes, I find I am am addicted (again) to making my happiness depend on someone ELSE (one of my 4 offspring) changing (their feelings and behavior). Well, not my entire happiness this time, but still, every day finds me noodling at this in some of my quiet times. I have let the situation affect my self-image, dim my radiance and drain my energy. BASTA! ENOUGH!
I was depressed. For a long time. Of course it affected him. I didn’t ask to be depressed, but in recovery I have apologized. I have asked forgiveness. Not enough. Nothing I can do pleases him. He needs to keep me pushed away. I hope some day he will be less bitter – for his sake. Meanwhile – his problems and pains are HIS to deal with, his path, his creation, not mine. Does that sound cold? Well, it isn’t mine to do. Just like in me, part of the problem is always whatever happened and another part is how you respond to what happened – the resistance, the wanting the past to be some other way than it was. He is long since not a kid, and his inner pain I can’t fix. Never could. Not my job. I set myself free.
MY path involves remembering to ACCEPT (not resist at all) everything I can’t change, and that surely includes this situation – and to change the things I can – which in this situation means pulling all my energy back to enjoying the beautiful life I have somehow created for myself in recovery and doing my best to light the path for those coming along behind me.
The SITUATION is NOW causing me no pain. My resistance to the situation WAS causing me great pain. I can’t change the situation – I have tried and tried. But I can change my resistance. I can let it go. I can accept the reality. I soften around the situation and let it be. I am open to whatever comes next. I send blessings.
Gratitude! My cup is cup overflowing with every kind of good. Beauty surrounds me. Love is my everyday experience. My work fulfills me and is FUN. Music and laughter uplift me every day.