The Way Out of Codependency and Narcissistic Abuse…. through The Principles

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Today’s feature gift is from Del Adey-Jones.

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For the first fifty years of my life, I was the poster child for codependency and narcissistic abuse. Having grown up in a Narcissistic environment, I’d spent over thirty in traditional therapy, trying to make sense of my chaotic childhood. Therapy helped a little, but I still found myself trapped in repetitive cycles of low self-esteem and abusive relationships.

Then, in 2009 I came across an understanding called “The Principles,” which changed my life beyond anything I could ever have imagined. I was thrilled. After years of searching, I had finally found The Way Out of Codependency and Narcissistic Abuse!

So, what was it about The Principles that impacted my life so much, you might ask? Well, the Principles is a teaching that combines both spirituality and psychology. When I viewed my life through the lens of The Principles, I had two significant insights that dramatically changed how I saw myself and how I showed up in life.

The first insight I had was when I saw the truth that we are “spiritual beings having a human experience.” That we are both spiritual and human rolled into one. Recognizing that we all come from the same spiritual energy that creates all living things helped me see that I was equal to everyone else. Each of us comes into the world of form with the same amount of innate wisdom, well-being, and resilience. Physically, we might look and behave a little differently, but we are all one and the same at our essence.

The second life-changing insight I had was that I didn’t have to believe the thoughts in my head. I learned that human beings have anywhere from 60,000 to 100,000 thoughts a day. We have no power over what thoughts pop into our heads. Our thoughts are just energy running through us. Random and up for grabs by any of us. I saw that the habitual insecure thoughts that were running through my head were not personal to me. They had nothing to do with who I was. They had set up camp in my head so long ago I didn’t even question their validity. They were so familiar to me I accepted them without question.

I had innocently believed the thoughts such as I’m not good enough, pretty enough, intelligent enough, skinny enough, confident enough, etc., were telling me who I was. I had grabbed onto these thoughts and created a persona from them called “Del.” I spent many futile years trying to change my thinking about myself. I believed that once I accomplished this, I would have more confidence and show up to life differently. Mantras and affirmations adorned my bathroom mirror to no avail!

The Principles taught me that I couldn’t stop the thoughts that popped into my head, but I could alter how I related to them. So instead of trying to manipulate and change my beliefs about myself, I stopped taking my thoughts so seriously. The more I ignored them, the more they began to fade. I won’t pretend that they don’t show up now and again, but now I am on to them; they have lost their power over me.

I have so much compassion for my younger self and gratitude for where I am today. I see how I had innocently believed the negative thoughts in my head that told me that I was broken or defective. Just like the lotus flower emerging out of the mud, I see that I am not my self-limiting story, not my labels, not my experiences, not my past, and not my diagnosis. I see that I was never broken or lacking. I see that there was never anything wrong with me and that I didn’t need to keep trying to fix myself.

Of course, things have happened to me in my life, but it was the meaning that I assigned to those events that caused me additional suffering, not just the events themselves.

I laugh when I look back over my life and how I had innocently “made up” who I thought I was. I could have just as easily grabbed onto thoughts about myself that supported a belief that I was this amazing, accomplished, brilliant, beautiful person and then lived from that place. 

The truth is we are free to entertain anything we want to believe about ourselves. Our personalities are not solid or set in stone. We are made of infinite potential. Recognizing the truth of who we are at our essence, these magnificent Spiritual beings, is The Way Out of Codependency and Narcissistic Abuse.

With love and appreciation, Del 💕

3 butterflies flying skywards

Please join me for a private coaching session to help you find The Way Out of Codependency and Narcissistic Abuse


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