Looking back, I can’t believe how a flippant comment from a kid in my class began an almost twenty-year battle with anorexia, binge eating, bulimia, and body dysmorphia.
The funny thing is, if I saw that kid on the street today, I would not recognize him. I guess it wasn’t really about him calling me fat, but more about how I saw myself. That image clouded my vision.
I was never a chubby teenager. But because I was the tallest of all the girls and boys in my year nine class, I became obsessed with weighing myself. I spent hours staring at my reflection and what I saw was a much larger version of reality.
I decided to declare war against myself.
I binged on chocolate before dinner, forcing myself to be sick so as not to gain weight. I gazed at the models in fashion magazines, wishing for their figures. This pattern continued throughout high school. I got cuts on my knuckles from the back of my teeth scratching away at them when forcing up my food. Spots popped up under my eyes. I wore those scars with pride, like battle wounds. No one said anything.
The Ugly Truth:
But in my twenties, my little secret became a big issue. It wasn’t so easy to binge while working in a busy office. The binging also affected most of my relationships. Because my self-worth meant so little, I constantly attracted the wrong types of men.
None of that mattered, though, because all I worried about was gaining weight if I gave up binging. However, I found an alternative: starvation.
In 2009, I lost around twenty kilos and measured a UK size 6 with no boobs or bum. Being 5”10, I looked like skin and bones. The more people told me to gain weight, the more that fuelled me to keep starving.
A Journey to Self-Love and Empowerment:
When I turned 32, the self-loathing finally led to exhaustion. I always got sick and registered as severely undernourished. I felt miserable. I realized that journeying down that road meant death so I chose a different road and a new journey.
None of the numerous psychologists I saw ever managed to get through to me so I decided that I needed to heal myself to lead a happy life. I started learning about Abraham Hicks and the Law of Attraction, reading books like Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life. Slowly, my journey to self-love and empowerment began.
Even with all this new-found empowerment and positivity, my relationship with food still suffered. I lived on pasta, wine, and sugar. Three years ago, I wound -up in the hospital for a week, hooked to a morphine drip with serious bowel issues.
Something needed to change. I needed to change. I needed to turn onto another road.
When I moved to Italy, I started learning about whole food nutrition and discovering how the food we eat affects us in so many areas of our physical and mental health.
At 38, this journey of whole food nutrition finally showed me how to thrive in the best health of my life, not only physically but mentally as well.
This journey gave me the idea to create Revenge Body Transformations; A community of women who I help become the best versions of themselves, creating healthy relationships with food and learning to love their bodies. These women learn to rejoice in being in the best shape of their lives, both physically and mentally.
It’s my mission to give back and help as many women as possible because I wish that someone did the same for me when I was going through that dark time in my life. I hate to think of other women feeling that way.
A bad, current situation is never a final destination.
Ladies, join Revenge Body Transformation Group and start your new journey today.
Sending lots of love and light to you all!