Let’s talk about something that might sting a little.
Most women I work with aren’t stuck because they’re lazy, incapable, or unmotivated. They’re stuck because they’ve learned to stay small. To shrink. To keep the peace, not rock the boat, stay in the box, be nice (aka people pleasing).
Sound familiar? I know this one like the back of my hand. I lived it for years. Performing. Pretending. Getting really good at being what was expected. Like a chameleon, I could become whoever I needed to be. Except the woman I actually was. Because somewhere along the line, my programming became “If I stay small, I’ll be safe.”
Perhaps it’s something you can relate to?
Let me introduce you to Limiting Beliefs
They are negative thoughts about yourself that have been repeated subconsciously so many times that they start running the show.
Like quiet puppeteers behind your decisions, your voice, your bank account, and your body.
They may sound like:
- I’m not smart enough to do that.
- I’m not good enough.
- I could never charge that much.
- Better not speak up, I’ll get judged.
They can feel so true, but they’re not. They’re just really convincing stories. Inherited, absorbed, and reinforced over time.
And here’s the kicker….most of them aren’t even yours. You picked them up from childhood, religion, culture, past trauma, school systems, or well-meaning but limited people. You didn’t choose them.
But if you don’t challenge them, they’ll quietly cost you everything.
The Real Cost of Staying Small
We talk a lot about the fear of failure, the fear of judgment, the fear of standing out.
But we don’t talk enough about the fear of staying stuck.
Here’s what staying small is really costing you:
Energetic Cost
You’re constantly using energy to manage how others see you.
You hold back your voice, overthink every move, scan the room for what’s safe to say, and twist yourself into a version that will be accepted.
That’s not just tiring, it’s soul-draining.
Your energy gets scattered trying to hold a version of yourself that isn’t even real.
Emotional Cost
Playing small comes with a quiet heaviness.
The anxiety that hums in the background when you know you’re meant for more.
The sadness that creeps in when your brilliance keeps getting stuffed down.
The anger that builds when you watch others rise, not because they’re better, but because they stopped waiting for permission.
And let’s not forget the resentment – at yourself, your circumstances, or others – for not taking the shot you know you’re capable of.
Financial Cost
This one’s big.
How many opportunities have you said no to because you didn’t feel ready?
How many times have you undercharged, over-delivered, or stayed silent when you should have asked for more?
Staying small means staying stuck in scarcity. It keeps you in survival mode. It tells you money is hard, wealth is for other people, and asking for more is greedy.
When in truth, you staying broke or burnt out helps no one.
Health Cost
The mind-body connection is real. Every time you silence yourself, suppress your truth, or tolerate what isn’t aligned, your body takes the hit.
Chronic stress, fatigue, anxiety, tension, gut issues, headaches. They’re not random.
In fact, they’re your body keeping the score.
Living small is not harmless. It’s physically corrosive.
Legacy Cost
This is the one that hurts the most. What message are you passing on to your children, your friends, the women watching you? What happens to the book you never wrote, the business you never started, the people you were meant to impact?
Staying small delays or completely buries the ripple you were meant to create.
Our belief systems are generational. What you leave unresolved is often inherited by your children, their children, and so on. What kind of legacy do you want to leave?
Your story matters. Your work matters. Your presence and power matter. But when you play small, the world misses out on your magic, and you miss out on living the life you were meant to.
Mindset Isn’t Enough. You Need a Rewire
You can’t “positive vibes only” your way out of deep programming. You need awareness, truth, and tools that work in your body, not just your brain.
Here’s a simple framework to start breaking free:
1. Awareness: Catch the belief. Don’t judge it. Observe it. Ask: Where did this come from? Who taught me this? Who does it benefit when I believe this?
2. Rewrite the Script: What would a free version of you believe instead? It doesn’t have to sound like a Hallmark card. It just needs to be believable. Examples:
-
-
- I am good enough
- I deserve to be happy
- I can speak my truth
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3. Embodiment: Live as if that new belief is true, even before it fully feels that way. Don’t wait until you believe it 100 percent, but rather give your nervous system evidence that it’s safe to change.
4. Support: You weren’t programmed in isolation, and you don’t need to take this path alone. Find the people, mentors, and community who speak to your future, not your past.
Final Thoughts
This isn’t About Blame. It’s About Power.
If you’ve been playing small, hear me: It’s not your fault. But it is your responsibility.
You can’t build a life of freedom by staying in a cage that was never meant for you.
The Freedom Effect is real. It starts the moment you stop asking for permission and start reclaiming your health, your wealth, and your power.
Connect with Kim on The Wellness Universe and follow her on LinkedIn.
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Kim is a PSYCH-K® Facilitator; International Best-Selling Author; Reiki Master ; Intuitive Healer ; Speaker and Educator.
Using her knowledge and extensive PSYCH-K® training, Kim has become an expert in transforming the perception of stress and replacing any limiting or negative subconscious beliefs. This is the key to living a happy, fulfilled life as we are able to work on strengthening our foundational beliefs that center on self love, self worth & self acceptance.
Wow, Kim, this really hit home! I know that old “stay small to stay safe” story so well, and you’ve described it perfectly. Thank you for the powerful reminder that we get to rewrite those limiting beliefs and step into the bigness we were made for.