I returned home from a seven-mile hike in the forest, and while turning to throw something away in my kitchen, I fell and ended up on my back, my foot flopping around on the end of my leg like a fish on a hook. I was in a state of shock as I screamed for my husband.
When the ambulance arrived, I was chilled, trembling, and in so much pain. My left ankle was badly shattered. I had not one but two surgeries with a plate and eight screws on each side of my ankle; it was September 2023. The recovery was long and slow, but I chose to be positive, to see the opportunity to be in a state of peaceful acceptance. During this healing time, I wrote this poem.
“By the Window”: A Poem of Reflection
For months now, I have been sitting by the window.
Observing the change from summer to autumn.
Leaves of green gradually change to yellow, gold, and orange.
Slowly, they fall, a reminder to allow the process.
As weeks pass, the ground is covered in a blanket of rustling leaves.
Squirrels and chipmunks busily gather food for the coming winter.
Early morning birdsong is quiet for now.
Flocks of geese honk, flying above in their V form and heading south.
Kids board a big yellow bus and then get off again hours later.
Commuters race by…always in a hurry.
Busy lives off to school, work, shopping; everyone races by, living the life they know.
I surrender to this chair by the window.
To most, it might seem mundane…boring even.
But I’m reminded of the simplicity and complexities of Life…
The slowing down and the rush of busy.
The value of family, friends, and this body…
Of Life.
By the window, I find peace.
Acceptance of this body’s need to heal,
in her own time
And yet…
I am free.
Free to explore the depth of my heart.
Of my infinite love
My infinite soul
To find…
The glory of Being.
The Glory of Infinity.
The Knowing I Am
So much more than this Body.
By the window, I observe what I can see.
And then, I go within to see what I need to Know…and remember.
From Shock to Gratitude
Fast-forward one year and four days. On this beautiful Sunday morning, I tripped as I descended the stairs while getting ready to hike in the same forest; I still can’t understand how I fell. The pain was excruciating, and to my horror, I fractured my fibula; this was my good leg, the leg and foot I’ve relied on for 29 years.
Ruptured discs and four spine surgeries left me with a damaged sciatic nerve root, which led to a drop foot. I’ve been wearing a leg/foot brace for 29 years. I’ve had several sprains and breaks on this foot, but my right leg? This was my first.
I could have written the same poem. The only difference is that I spent the past eight weeks on the same recliner but by a different window. I was beyond stunned by this break. Asking God, “What is this?” “When will the constant challenges end?” “Haven’t I been through enough?” These questions and the stunning realization of my situation consumed about 48 hours of my life. Then I realized this was another opportunity to choose—to find once again that inner peace and acceptance of now.
It has been interesting to see the response from people with this second break, as though it was just too much, or some were telling me what I should be doing or not doing. “You need to use weights!” “You shouldn’t be hiking!” It was interesting observing the reactions of others this time around.
The Power of Support: Husband and Neighbors
I’m so thankful my husband is the most wonderful man, a great caregiver who had it all figured out. I am truly blessed to have him in my life as he juggled caring for me, shopping, cooking, doing laundry, and handling everything needed. We joked, “Well, practice makes perfect!” He struggled to juggle everything a year ago, and now he makes it all look effortless. He’s an angel.
We moved to this neighborhood a few months ago and could not ask for kinder, more generous, and more compassionate neighbors. Homemade dinners, gifts for self-care, and delicious foods filled our home, which made life easier for my husband. I am beyond words grateful for landing here; we are truly blessed.
Non-Attachment and the Divine Perspective
I used to be a “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay junkie. For about ten years, since 2006, I looked up everything my physical body experienced, which was a lot. Slowly but surely, I began to accept that sometimes things just happen. Do I intentionally trip? Does this mean I’m afraid of moving forward? Does this mean I can’t stand on my own two feet? What is the message? Is this what I signed up for, physical challenges in so many forms? I’ve moved through them all with determination, grace, and positivity. My students, friends, and family are always amazed by this. I am a teacher who has used these experiences to teach, inspire, and encourage others.
Sitting in a recliner by the window, I’ve had plenty of time to contemplate these questions in meditation, through journaling, doing nothing at all, and binging on light-hearted TV, and I’ve come to this conclusion:
I cannot always understand or figure out why things happen.
It’s not what happens or how it happens but what I choose to do when something does happen. So often, people say, “How can you be so happy? How are you not going out of your mind sitting in this recliner for weeks on end?” The answer is choice. I’m not the victim of this challenge; I am empowered by my choices.
There are so many levels of understanding right now through this process. Being a Yogini and a mystic for so long offers the opportunity for non-attachment. I live in this body, but I’m not this body. I am an infinite Divine being in this human body. Times like these are also an opportunity to be alone, in some form of solitude, and be one with God.
Gratitude in the Small Things
Then there is gratitude. There is always, and I mean always, something to be grateful for. I’m grateful for this recliner, the commode, the shower chair, the walkers, and all the equipment needed to heal and rest. I’m grateful for the sun that streams through the window. I am grateful to my husband and our family, neighbors, and friends. I am grateful to have made the decision to join WU and co-author book #5.
Every challenge is an opportunity to grow. This valuable teaching was passed on to me through my yoga teacher, and I continue to teach it to my students. It has profoundly impacted my life in countless positive ways, and for this, I am forever grateful.
By the window, I observe what I can see.
And then, I go within to see what I need to Know…and remember.
Connect with Kathleen on The Wellness Universe and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.
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Kathleen S. McPhillips is a Body, Mind, Spirit Life Master Teacher, Reiki Master, Yoga teacher, author, multidimensional healer and Soul Activation practitioner.
Thank you, Kathleen, for this beautiful peek into your world and the healing journey. Your poem “By the Window” A Poem of Reflection is gorgeous. So, so beautiful, and I love the conclusion “I cannot always understand or figure out why things happen” is very freeing as we lean into divine trust and timing.
Kathy, your words are beautifully written snd make one stop and be thankful for life. Each day is a blessing and I find something to be happy about every day. I am sorry for all the pain you’ve had to endure, and will keep you in my prayers. Thank you for sharing your journey. Be well soon, Jill