Honestly, by the time we hit 40, most of us haven’t put ourselves first in decades. Not really. And it didn’t happen in one big moment either. It didn’t happen overnight. These are habits that build over the years until we don’t remember life before putting everyone else first.
Because that’s the thing about the weight we carry. It doesn’t arrive all at once. It builds.
There are societal expectations that have been programmed since you were old enough to understand what was expected of you. Then there are the generational beliefs, the ones handed down without anyone even realizing, wrapped up in family patterns and old wounds and trauma that nobody ever speaks about, let alone deals with. And then there are the roles you play. The ones attached to your relationships, your job, your family. The versions of you that exist purely in service to everyone else.
Is it any wonder we get to a point where we don’t even know where to start? Or that we don’t even have the headspace to realize the last time we genuinely thought about ourselves was back in 1992?
I was no different. I was playing a part, doing what was expected, and a lot of the time I genuinely thought it was what I wanted. That’s the sneaky part. When you’ve been doing it long enough, you lose the ability to tell the difference between what you actually want and what you’ve been conditioned to want. You get so good at the role that you forget there’s a whole person underneath it.
And I want to be clear about something. I love being of service and doing things for the people in my life. That’s not what this is about. But there comes a time when you have to stop and think, what about me? And as uncomfortable as that question feels, it needs to be asked.
We’ve been taught that putting ourselves first is somehow taking something away from the people we love. But here’s what took me way too long to figure out. It’s not selfish. It’s necessary.
After decades of pushing through, being under the pump, carrying stress to the eyeballs, the body starts to keep score. And it usually doesn’t happen dramatically. It starts small.
And what do most of us do with those signals? We ignore them. We literally push them aside and push through. Tell ourselves we’re just busy, just tired, just going through a phase.
But those small signs matter. Waking up and still being knackered. Moods that are like a rollercoaster. Brain fog that makes you feel like you’re walking through mud. These aren’t just part of getting older, and they’re definitely not something to push through. They’re your body sending very clear signs that something is off.
The good news is you don’t have to blow up your entire life to start changing things. This isn’t about grand gestures or radical overhauls. It’s about a mindset shift. A decision that you, your actual personal self, become part of every choice and every action you take going forward.
Not the only consideration. Not at the expense of everyone else. Just included. Present. Counted.
That shift sounds simple, and I won’t pretend the work is always easy. There are real layers to untangle. Beliefs that have been running quietly in the background for decades, telling you your needs are less important, that asking for more is greedy, that good women put others first. Those beliefs don’t just disappear overnight.
But they do shift. With the right support and a genuine willingness to look at what’s been running the show, things change. And when they do, the freedom on the other side is something else. You start making decisions from a completely different place. You stop agreeing to things out of guilt. You stop shrinking. You start feeling more like yourself, maybe more than you have in a very long time.
Women in their 40s, 50s and beyond are not past their prime. Not even close. But so many of us are so depleted by the time we get here that we don’t have the energy or clarity to even begin. We know something needs to change, but we’re running on fumes.
That’s exactly why putting yourself first can’t be the thing you get to when everything else is done. It has to come first. Not because you’re abandoning your responsibilities, but because you genuinely cannot keep pouring from an empty cup.
You are allowed to matter in your own life. You are allowed to take up space, ask for what you need, and invest in yourself without justifying it to anyone.
When is the time to get started?
Right now.
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Kim is a PSYCH-K® Facilitator; International Best-Selling Author; Reiki Master ; Intuitive Healer ; Speaker and Educator.
Using her knowledge and extensive PSYCH-K® training, Kim has become an expert in transforming the perception of stress and replacing any limiting or negative subconscious beliefs. This is the key to living a happy, fulfilled life as we are able to work on strengthening our foundational beliefs that center on self love, self worth & self acceptance.
