The Wellness Universe (WU): Hello Alishba, please tell us about yourself and what inspired you to write your chapter in the book The Wellness Universe Guide to Complete Self-Care: 25 Tools for Navigating Loss, Grief & Transition.
Alishba Rahman (AR): I have always been a sensitive person, and grief has been something I have carried with me throughout my life. When Anna approached me about this opportunity, I saw it as a chance to finally put my grief into words, share a part of myself I had kept hidden for so long, and perhaps take a step toward healing.
I had never openly shared my story with anyone before. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I had never found the courage or the right space to talk about it. For years, I believed that living with grief was simply a part of my life. I often felt incomplete, as though the sadness and emptiness I carried were things I just had to accept. I had convinced myself that this was normal, that this was simply how life would always feel. But eventually, I realized that while grief may always remain a part of us, we don’t have to let it define our entire lives.
I lost my brother when I was fourteen, and I am now twenty-eight. In all those years, I never truly gave myself permission to grieve. I didn’t sit with my emotions, talk about my loss, or allow myself to fully acknowledge the pain. Instead, I focused on being strong for everyone around me. Perhaps that is why, even after all these years, the loss can still feel so fresh.
Writing this chapter became my first real step toward acknowledging my grief and beginning to heal. It allowed me to revisit memories I had avoided, express feelings I had kept inside, and understand parts of myself that I had never taken the time to explore.
More than anything, I wanted my chapter to remind others that healing has no fixed timeline. There is no deadline for grief, and no one should feel pressured to move on within a certain period. Everyone experiences loss differently, and everyone finds their own way forward. Sometimes, healing begins simply by allowing yourself to feel, speak, remember, and acknowledge what you have been carrying for so long.
WU: What tool do you share in this book, and what can we expect to experience as a result of using this tool?
AR: In this chapter, I share two tools that have supported me on my journey toward healing: Opening the Window – Seeing Beyond Grief and Returning to Yourself – The 15-Minute Reset.
The first tool, Opening the Window, is about finding something or someone that helps you see beyond your grief and recognize that a meaningful life is still possible. For me, that window was a friendship. I met someone who gave me the space to speak openly about my brother, my childhood, and the emotions I had kept buried for years. She listened without judgment or trying to fix everything. Through those conversations, I began to understand that I could remember my brother, miss him, and still allow myself to experience happiness.
This tool encourages readers to find their own window, whether that is a trusted friend, a family member, a counselor, a support group, a meaningful experience, or even a book. It also includes simple exercises such as sharing one memory, acknowledging your emotions, and creating small rituals to honor someone you have lost. The intention is to help people understand that healing does not mean forgetting; it means learning to live with the loss while making room for hope and new experiences.
The second tool, Returning to Yourself, is a simple 15-minute reset that focuses on calming the mind and body during moments of emotional overwhelm. It involves finding a quiet, safe space, closing your eyes, taking slow breaths, and consciously relaxing your body. Sometimes, when emotions become too heavy, we need to pause and give ourselves a moment of stillness rather than constantly pushing through.
Together, these tools are meant to encourage people to reconnect with themselves, acknowledge their grief, and find small ways to make life feel manageable again. They are not quick fixes, nor do they promise to take away the pain of loss. Rather, they offer gentle starting points for anyone who feels stuck in grief and needs a reminder that there can still be light, hope, and happiness beyond it.
WU: In your chapter, you describe taking on responsibilities at a very young age and putting your family’s needs before your own grief. Looking back, what do you wish you had understood about grief, strength, and allowing yourself to heal?
AR: Looking back, I wish I had understood that being strong does not mean suppressing your emotions or pretending that everything is fine. When I lost my brother, I was only fourteen, and I felt that I had to become the strong one in my family. My mother was grieving, my younger siblings needed care, and I naturally stepped into a role where I felt responsible for everyone’s well-being. I thought that if I kept myself busy and took care of others, somehow things would become easier.
But in doing so, I overlooked my own pain. I never really gave myself the space to be a fourteen-year-old girl who had just lost her brother. I didn’t allow myself to fall apart because I felt that other people needed me to hold everything together.
It took me many years to understand that my grief deserved attention, too. I wish I had known that I didn’t have to choose between loving and supporting my family and taking care of myself. Both could exist together. I could be there for my mother and siblings while also acknowledging that I was hurting.
I also wish I had understood that grief looks different for everyone. Some people cry, some withdraw, some keep themselves occupied, and others find it difficult to talk about their loss. There is no right or wrong way to experience it.
If there is one thing I would tell someone going through a similar experience, especially someone who has had to become strong at a young age, it is this: You are allowed to grieve, too. You don’t always have to be the strong one. You don’t have to hide your sadness to make others comfortable, and you don’t have to put your healing on hold because someone else needs you.
Sometimes, the most important act of strength is allowing yourself to acknowledge that you are hurting and giving yourself permission to heal.
Connect with Alishba Rahman on The Wellness Universe. Follow Alishba on LinkedIn.
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