Without realizing it, most people think of Ayurveda as being about input, which is partly correct! It’s the food we eat, the sensory impressions we consume, and how much stimulation we take in.
Ayurveda is also very much about output. How we manage and use our energy, where we direct it, and what we allow to circulate in our field.
Each of the Ayurvedic Types has a mode of operating, both when in balance and when out of balance. The details are a topic for another post. Suffice to say, we all have to learn to manage our energy well. Chances are, it’s your biggest challenge, especially when you’re off your game!
Recently, I was challenged in a very real way. One of my neighbours became verbally aggressive and violent in my presence. I wasn’t physically harmed, but the unpleasant exchange derailed me for a hot minute. I even told myself a story about how I felt unsafe in my condo building because of it.
It also brought up some old patterns and memories about my past husband that I’ve worked hard to heal. I’m always grateful to discover any remnants, so I can clear them away.
It provided some clear lessons about energy, boundaries, and conscious leadership:
When someone sends negativity your way, you still have a choice
Manipulators know how to use your energy for their personal benefit. In fact, they often incite reactions from others for their purposes. But this is neutral human skill. Using the energy in your field to your advantage does not make you a manipulator by default. It’s there for you, and you choose how to use it.
In fact, quickly transmuting negative energy is an essential leadership skill. A leader doesn’t have time to process drama for hours, nor is bypassing an option.
When someone sends ‘negative’ energy your way, you can:
- Take it on (energy leak)
- Deflect or sweep it under the carpet (energy leak)
- React and amplify it with the other person (energy leak)
- Calmly give the energy back, as in, ‘no thanks‘ (embodied and empowered use)
- Receive it as pure energy and use it benevolently (embodied and empowered use)
My mantra in moments like this has become: “This is a test.”
You pass the test when you keep your equanimity, or regain balance quickly if you’re unseated. I know all too well, this isn’t easy. I’ve spent years thinking obsessively about sticky moments. (Hello, Pitta!)
Fortunately, I’ve learned to handle these situations well enough that I can share some of the steps I find helpful.
Ayurveda teaches that we are constantly making choices about what we do with our own energy. That includes our response to others’ reactions. I didn’t handle the situation with my neighbour perfectly. I certainly had some obsessive thoughts about what happened. Even still, I handled it far better than I have in the past, because I could see the test clearly.
Don’t leak your energy away
Thinking about the incident afterward counts as a leak. This includes replaying conversations, imagining confrontations, and mentally arguing. Thought darts are powerful; they impact both you and the other person!
Your energy is always your responsibility. It takes clarity and discipline to transmute ‘hot’ energy. It helps to be able to see the underlying lessons quickly.
After the situation with my neighbour, I asked myself:
“Is it in service to humanity for this person to receive my energy?”
The honest answer was no.
And as soon as I stopped feeding the situation, I saw the gift inside it. The incident lit a fire under me to become wholehearted about a decision I had been wavering on for weeks. That clarity was the empowerment hidden inside the conflict.
In that moment, I stopped leaking my own energy. I no longer held onto the situation with my former husband. I stopped being angry with my neighbour. Suddenly, I was free to use the energy from the altercation to move decisively in my life. I was actually grateful to my angry neighbour!
My neighbour has also been more mindful of the volume of his music, which was my initial complaint. I’ve seen this kind of thing too many times to think it was a coincidence. Had I continued to send angry thoughts his way, I’m certain the conflict would still be there in some form.
Energy exchange happens with everyone — strangers, coworkers, neighbours, family
This is not about one neighbour. These principles also apply to:
- Social media
- Colleagues and clients
- People you share a living space with
- Strangers you meet in passing
- Family members
Especially with family, the emotional patterning runs deeper than most other relationships. These patterns are often amplified during the holiday season.
Triggers and conflict often go hand in hand with family pressure during the holidays. But you don’t need to get entangled again in roles we’ve outgrown. You don’t have to invite chaos into our inner world.
Holding compassion doesn’t put you at risk. It’s a common misconception that you can only set boundaries when you’re angry.
Instead, you can recognize:
- Whoever is triggering you has suffered too, usually profoundly
- They’ve certainly already punished themselves enough
- Unconditional love doesn’t require you to be a doormat
Forgiveness does not mean reopening all the doors and windows. It simply means putting down that heavy load of baggage you’ve been carrying. It weighs you down, doesn’t it?
There’s a special magic that occurs when you’re able to show up, empowered and in a state of forgiveness.
- You’re no longer defensive or expecting the worst. You also can’t be caught off balance.
- It’s as if you’ve changed the locks. If someone tries the key, it becomes immediately obvious that it doesn’t fit. They stop trying, because they know it doesn’t fit.
- Everyone relaxes and enjoys the time you get to spend together. Your new way of being is a relief to them, too, because it’s clear how to be around you. Most people who love you don’t love the conflict patterns any more than you do. They wish they could stop the train, but don’t know how.
Leadership requires the ability to take a little heat
Many want to lead, but only a few can take the heat that naturally comes with leadership.
If you are doing something cutting-edge, not everyone will understand you. Some people will even find you annoying. Can you live with the energy their reactions generate?
That energy can fuel your work if you are healed enough not to collapse into old triggers.
When my neighbour lashed out, it triggered memories of conflict with my ex-husband. That was the deeper layer being activated. I chose to meet the trigger, work it through, and release the part of me that was still holding onto those old stories.
There’s something Divine about the timing of exchanges. I believe that when someone calls up an old wound, it’s a gift. They shine a light on something you wouldn’t see on your own.
The other person senses your gratitude, even if you don’t say anything or don’t see them. Everyone knows what you secretly think of them.
There are always gifts within the upset. Your subconscious holds onto the whole package of fears AND gifts in an attempt to retain what’s beneficial.
When you move through the fear, defensiveness, and grief underneath the trigger, the gifts emerge. Safety, confidence, clarity, Self-respect…. It may even seem completely unrelated to the wound. That’s the subconscious mind for you!
Ayurveda teaches us that every interaction is a form of digestion:
- What do you take in?
- What do you decline to ingest?
- What do you transform into fuel?
- What do you eliminate and release?
Every person who crosses your path gives you energy; sometimes gently, sometimes forcefully. You get to choose:
Do you absorb it unconsciously, or do you consciously alchemize it into something useful?
This concept is especially key for empaths. When empaths use their energy unconsciously, they’re like sponges. When you start to use it more consciously, you become radiant.
(Yes, spiritual hygiene is still required, but you’ll need to do less of it as you step into a more empowered state.)
Don’t fritter your energy away in ways that don’t serve you. To quote my Embodied Vision Method™ mentor:
“Never waste a good trigger.” – Relinde Moors
If you’d like a format to gently release unhelpful patterns, day by day, check out my Daily Practice. It’s a powerful way to change your life over the next weeks and months!
Or connect with me directly for deeper 1:1 support.
These skills make all the difference during the holiday season. They help you stay grounded through the inevitable social frictions and emotional intensity.
Happy Holidays!
Connect with Holly on The Wellness Universe and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.
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Holly Blazina’s Gutsy Type Method is an alchemy of the Yoga and Ayurveda traditions, Embodied Vision™ Coaching, and her work as an author, flamenco guitarist, composer and recording artist. She helps empaths solve their gut issues, amplifying their personal power in service of their life’s purpose.
So much wisdom here, Holly, and told in such a real, relatable way. I loved the reminder that even the uncomfortable moments carry gifts if we’re willing to look for them—especially this time of year. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.