Back to Basics: Why Self-Love is the First Step in True Healing

When I begin working with a new client, no matter their background or reason for seeking support…whether it’s health, business, mindset, or transformation, I always return to one essential starting point: self-love. 

That might sound overly simplistic to some. Maybe even cliché. But I can promise you, after more than a decade of walking women through deep, lasting change, I’ve learned this truth: If you don’t love yourself, you won’t feel worthy of making choices that truly support you. Without self-love, you’ll keep defaulting to decisions that meet expectations, avoid discomfort, or please others – never the ones that fully honor who you are and what you need. 

The Subconscious Runs the Show 

Here’s the thing most people don’t realize: your subconscious mind runs about 95% of your daily life. It’s operating in the background, filtering your experiences, driving your habits, shaping your identity, and influencing every choice you make, even when you think you’re making logical decisions. 

Most of what’s stored in the subconscious was picked up early in life. It came from caregivers, school experiences, culture, religion, the media, and pivotal emotional moments. In fact, pretty much everything you experience from birth to the age of seven is downloaded to become your blueprint. Most of the beliefs cannot even be consciously remembered. 

A lot of those old belief systems are still running on a loop: 

• I’m not good enough. 
• I have to prove myself. 
• I don’t deserve success, love, or happiness. 

Sound familiar? 

These kinds of beliefs shape how we show up in our bodies, our relationships, our work, and our health. They’re the hidden scripts behind burnout, poor boundaries, emotional eating, under-earning, people pleasing, and self-sabotage. 

No matter how much willpower you use, if your subconscious is operating from lack or fear, it will always pull you back to what it believes is safe. That’s why self-love isn’t a luxury. It’s a necessity.

What Self-Love Actually Means 

Self-love isn’t just bubble baths, green smoothies, or getting your nails done. Those can be amazing experiences, but true self-love is deeper. 

It’s the quiet, rooted knowing that you are worthy exactly as you are. It’s showing up for yourself with compassion instead of criticism. It’s choosing your needs, your healing, and your peace, even when it feels unfamiliar or uncomfortable. It’s the foundation for everything else. 

Because without self-love: 

• You’ll keep second-guessing your decisions. 
• You’ll chase validation in all the wrong places. 
• You’ll avoid rest because you’ve tied your worth to productivity. 
• You’ll shrink your voice to keep the peace. 
• You’ll choose relationships, jobs, or habits that drain you because deep down, you don’t believe you’re allowed to have more. 

But when you start choosing yourself, something beautiful happens. Your nervous system starts to settle. Your intuition gets louder. Your choices become clearer. You begin creating a life that nourishes you, instead of one that just looks good on the outside. 

Going Back to Basics 

When I say we go “back to basics,” I mean we return to the core of what it means to live from love rather than fear. 

That often looks like: 

• Slowing down and getting quiet enough to hear your inner voice again. 
• Noticing how you speak to yourself, especially in hard moments. 
• Setting small, daily boundaries that honor your time, your energy, and your body.
• Rewriting old stories you inherited, especially the ones that keep you stuck in shame. 
• Celebrating your progress, no matter how small. 
• Letting yourself receive support, kindness, and abundance without guilt. 

Sometimes, this work is uncomfortable. Love, real love, requires honesty. It means looking at the beliefs and behaviors that aren’t serving you anymore and choosing to shift, gently but powerfully. This is the work that changes everything. 

Starting Small: Simple Self-Love Practices 

Here are some simple ways to begin rewriting your internal belief system and gently reconnect with yourself. Take some time to really think about what you like to do…not what you should do, or what others expect, but what genuinely brings you peace, joy, or comfort. 

Maybe it’s brewing a cup of organic tea and curling up with a good book. Maybe it’s a walk in nature where you can breathe and let go. It might be soaking in a bubble bath, lighting candles, or even taking yourself to that movie you’ve been wanting to see but keep putting off. 

Whatever it is, make sure it aligns with your wants and needs. Let it come from a place of honoring yourself, not proving or performing. 

This is how you begin to show your subconscious that you are safe, worthy, and allowed to enjoy your life. These small acts of care speak volumes to your inner world. Over time, they help build a foundation of trust and self-worth that no one else can give you. 

Self-love is not the end goal. It’s the beginning. The beginning of healing. The beginning of clarity. The beginning of becoming who you were always meant to be. And from that place, everything becomes possible.

Connect with Kim on The Wellness Universe and follow her on LinkedIn.

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Kim Wagner

Kim is a PSYCH-K® Facilitator;  International Best-Selling Author; Reiki Master ; Intuitive Healer ; Speaker and Educator.  

Using her knowledge and extensive PSYCH-K® training, Kim has become an expert in transforming the perception of stress and replacing any limiting or negative subconscious beliefs. This is the key to living a happy, fulfilled life as we are able to work on strengthening our foundational beliefs that center on self love, self worth & self acceptance.