I’m in the beginning stages of divorce. Doing and saying hard things has become what my life is about all of a sudden.
What I’ve noticed is being brave and doing hard things, when it comes to creating a life of ease, joy, possibility, positivity, and magic, isn’t only necessary, it’s basic training for that new life.
Cultivating courage is Bootcamp for the life I dream about.
I feel I’ve reached level 2 now. I spent a lot of years stuck at level 1; feeling fear and the effects of it paralyzing me. Up-leveling required action despite the feeling. I’ve learned taking action is probably the single most important thing to do when you’re afraid. It catapults you through the wall of fear-fire you see in front of you to the other side, where peace sits.
Now that I know the action-taking secret, I use it constantly, especially during the fiercest bouts of doubt, fear or shame that come. I use it to feel, to move the energy, and to point myself in the direction of what aligns with my ultimate vision for my life. The fear is what I use as a compass. When you use fear as a compass it creates a new possibility for the feeling; rather than just something that blocks you and keeps you from your dreams.
I’m getting a taste of level 3 now. Level 3 seems to be a place where the feeling of fear exists but so quickly recognizable as that compass, it never gets a chance to paralyze. Instead, immediately called out, it dissolves and creates fuel for what I need to do. The speed at which this happens is how it gets put in the higher level. I don’t waste time sitting, fretting, and over-thinking the feeling or adding baggage by putting extra meaning on the feeling.
The point isn’t to be fearless. That’s not the last level. I’m not sure what the last level is except to guess it has something to do with realizing the energy of love and the energy of fear are interchangeable, and it’s up to us to create that transformation. Seems that might be a master level; totally worth going for.
I’d love to say I feel love inside of fear, but right now fear still has the power to eat me alive. I spend a lot of energy, especially during conversations with my husband, not allowing fear to steer me. I spend a lot of energy protecting myself, rather than opening my heart and allowing vulnerability to happen. I still draw my weapons because I don’t feel love when fear is present.
Level 3 will take more training. For now, I’ve committed to the training and look at every interaction as another possibility for love. The mistakes, mis-speaks and failures along the way; the faster I can bring it all back around to loving myself for them the better. The faster I accept I’ll make more, the better. The faster I realize I’m worthy of love in the middle of those mistakes and paralyzing fear, the more fully I’ll be able to embrace level 3.
Until then I’ll be brave and do hard things, because the training, not the destination, is always the prize.
In the end, I’d like to say, “I can’t believe I did that,” rather than, “I wish I had done that.”
Laura Di Franco, MPT is an intuitive writing strategist, holistic physical therapist, published author, poet and third-degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do with over two decades of experience in healing. She teaches transformational tools and powerful strategy for nourishing and inspiring your fiercely alive whole self. Learn more about Laura on her website.