Fierce, disciplined awareness is what it takes to start, stay in and enjoy these deep conversations.
I don’t want to talk about the weather, about who won the football game or about the red cup at Starbucks. Give me a conversation about the meaning of life and my purpose in it and I’ll show you a conversation that can drastically change the trajectory of the day and the world – for the better!
I believe most people are craving deeper conversations in a bad way. The longer we live the more we realize why we’re on the planet, and the more intensely we want to do something more meaningful with that short life. We’re here to connect, and not just about what flavor latte we’re ordering. So why are we afraid to be out loud with our ideas and start those deeper conversations?
We can start by having deeper conversations with the people we trust; the ones who can have that kind of conversation with you. Try initiating talk about something that really turns you on and makes you go a little crazy with inspiration. Watch as your discussion grows, taking on a life of its own. When we light a fire under the topics that really matter to us we make our dreams blaze into reality.
I’m afraid to be wrong or worse, upset someone with my opinions.
I heard this in my writer’s group on Facebook and it made me realize the time people are wasting in fear of what others will think about their unique opinions and dreams. I felt my own childhood baggage in that statement too – as long as I stay quiet there’s no risk of ridicule or punishment. It’s safe to be small and quiet.
It’s safe to trigger others. Denise Duffield-Thomas
If you put yourself and your opinions out there you’ll always risk an opposing opinion flying back at you. So what? If you’re brave enough to put yourself out there you will also risk someone telling you your idea is stupid, bad, irresponsible or downright wrong. So what? Let them be triggered. Who knows, you might even kick the pebble that starts an avalanche in their healing journey.
I’m liking the phrase “so what” lately. Stepping into my self-worth and realizing my idea or opinion is just as interesting/worthy/right as anyone else’s is liberating. But it has to be combined with a huge dose of humility and a ton of listening skills to create a conversation that transforms its participants.
When two people come together inside a conversation and disagree it can be magical or a disaster. How do we foster conversations about what’s important and have everyone working together toward growth, shift, and healing? By realizing there’s no right way. By understanding the unique filters we all look through when we bring our awesomeness to the table. By being open and curious instead of right and defensive.
This isn’t easy. It takes a crap ton of awareness. But it’s worth the effort because one awesome conversation between two people who are really listening to each other and able to let life and inspiration come from the combination of their energies can feel miraculous. Especially when those two people started on a topic they disagreed about.
Let’s focus on the deeper conversations, the fire-starters (Thanks, Danielle La Porte), the stuff that’ll change the world. Let’s do it in an inclusive way, welcoming and honoring each person as an individual spirit put on this earth to light it up. Let’s use these conversations in collaboration instead of competition, brainstorming instead of debating. When matched with this kind of intention there’s no stopping the magnificence coming from that expression. How do you do this in the middle of a conversation where you feel triggered? By stopping, feeling and observing before speaking. By slowing everything way down inside your head and letting yourself feel instead of think. And by responding from a neutral, feeling, heart-centered, nonjudgmental place. Starting your response with “I feel…” will never steer you wrong. Try it. But to do it you’ll actually have to know how you feel. It takes practice.
Fierce, disciplined awareness is what it takes to start, stay in, and enjoy these deep conversations. The more you practice, the better you get at it, and the faster you move from a triggered, reactive state to a more peaceful, nonjudgmental one. When this begins to occur, you’ll feel the energy inside the topic come alive. You’ll feel the intensity of the compassion. You’ll feel the purposefulness of the conversation and you’ll be addicted to having that kind of conversation as much as you can.
So, no, I don’t really care about the partly sunny forecast, the score of the game, what the Kardashians are doing right now, or what flavor your latte was…talk to me about what lights you up, what makes you get out of bed without an alarm, what excites the crap out of you and how you want to change the world. Let’s take that energy into our conversations and make it come alive, create a plan, and take action. Let’s do what we say we’re going to do. We are the change.
The time is NOW to heal what is within ~ mind, body and spirit.
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Laura Di Franco, MPT is an intuitive writing strategist, holistic physical therapist, published author, poet and third-degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do with over two decades of experience in healing. She teaches transformational tools and powerful strategy for nourishing and inspiring your fiercely alive whole self. Learn more about Laura on her website.