To Be Happier, Detach from the Outcome: 7 Keys to Successful Detachment –
You’re addicted to the situation turning out like you expect. Because the outcome matters this time; it’s going to make or break your mission.
Things working out for you is the only option this time. It’s sink or swim. This has to work. In fact, this working means you’re successful, admired, loved, good enough, worthy…
Non-attachment is the key to Buddhist practices. Zen baby… it’s all about detachment.
Buddhists say that suffering is related to attachment, so if you can get yourself to detach, you’re going to be a happier camper. I agree. And this is not as easy as it sounds. So, I thought I’d break down a few steps for you.
How about a little incentive? The goal of detachment is Nirvana. Nirvana people! Wow, who wouldn’t like to experience a little bit of that in their lifetime, huh? I’m in.
Here Are the Brave Healer’s 7 Keys to Detachment:
- Master the practice of awareness of our thoughts.
- Stop making everything mean something.
- Detach from a certain outcome being a condition of our own happiness.
- Stop making an outcome define who we are.
- Realize we have the choice to be happy in any moment.
- Choose to feel happy now and now and now.
- Remember to wake up tomorrow and practice again.
1. Master Watching Your Thoughts:
You get that this’s an awareness journey, right? That everything is about awareness, especially your happiness. So, these keys are all about it. And mastering some of them will help you.
When you become a master at watching your thoughts you automatically detach because instead of being the person inside the thought, you’re the person observing the person having the thought.
Confused? Don’t be.
The idea is to notice what you’re thinking. It’s that simple. And it’s the foundational skill you’ll need to be happier. Now’s a great time to grab a notebook and practice writing down some of your thoughts. Journaling is a fantastic awareness tool.
2. Stop Making Things Mean Something:
When you start recognizing thoughts that aren’t serving you, you can start realizing that you are the one making a situation mean something more than it is. You’re labeling it as good or bad before you even know the truth of it.
Don’t do that. But to not do that you have to be good at noticing.
3. Detach from an Outcome as A Condition for Your Happiness:
When you’re thinking a thought about a hoped-for outcome and you begin to realize you’re attaching to that outcome as a condition for your happiness, you must notice first, then recognize the outcome is not the condition. You can feel happy now.
4. An Outcome Shouldn’t Define You:
And we’re on to key number four now. An outcome, along with not being a condition of your happiness, is also not a definition of who you are. What happens is what happens. What happens does not define you. What you do is not who you are. Something you’ve done in the past does not make you a bad person.
And this feels tricky, right? Because – achievement, accomplishments, etc. We’ve learned to feel into who we are as a successful person by what we do, what we’ve achieved and the people and things in our lives.
But none of that is at the core of who we are.
If you find yourself measuring your worth and attaching to these things as who you are, take a step back to key number one and start noticing those thoughts. They don’t serve you.
5. Realize Happiness Is A Choice:
And you have the choice, with this kind of awareness, to be happy in any moment. Yes, even at a funeral. Because what you’re thinking, if you’re observing that, is changeable right in the moment of the thought.
The hardest instances are those we think we should feel a certain way in. Like funerals. Like when we’ve failed at something. Or any other instance during which everyone around you is behaving a certain way and you’ve been taught you should too.
Take a step back to key number one again now. Ask yourself some questions about those thoughts and feelings. Are they serving your moment? If not, you get the choice to flip the switch to something that does. You always have that choice. Why not choose joy?
6. Go Ahead and Choose Happy:
And now that you get it, choose happy now. And now. And now.
Key six is to practice choosing the stuff that feels better in every moment you have. Some cool options are gratitude, joy, love, hope, opportunity, curiosity, inspiration, and positivity. What are some others that turn you on? Make your own list. And choose something on it, now. And now. And again…now.
7. Create A Daily Practice and Reminder:
You’ll have to wake up tomorrow and remember to do it again. Some mornings are going to be harder than others.
I have a practice I repeat each morning thanks to a page of a book by Dr. Wayne Dyer called Excuses Be Gone. I spend the first five minutes of my waking in gratitude for what I feel that moment, which is usually the comfy bed I’m sleeping in, or the birds I hear outside my window. There’s always something, if I remember to reach for it. The more you practice, the more the momentum will build.
Detachment becomes a practice of letting go of worry and fear. It’s also a practice of letting go of anything being good or bad. And lastly detaching from outcomes allows you to give yourself permission to feel happy no matter what’s going on around you.
Detachment is true freedom.
Ready for your own personal Nirvana? It’s only a little detachment away.
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Laura Di Franco, MPT is an intuitive writing strategist, holistic physical therapist, published author, poet and third-degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do with over two decades of experience in healing. She teaches transformational tools and powerful strategy for nourishing and inspiring your fiercely alive whole self. Learn more about Laura on her website.