Grief is a journey that doesn’t pause for the nine-to-five. It affects not only the bereaved but also those who work alongside them. In the workplace, where productivity often takes precedence, how can you create an environment that supports healing for the grieving and encourages compassion from co-workers? This question is just as important for employers as it is for employees.
Understanding grief is one way that you can empathize with your colleagues. There are many things that you grieve over throughout the course of your lives, but we seldom call it grief. Knowing that you all go through life with challenges, losses, and the unexpected. You can give yourself and others the grace they need to heal. Healing takes many forms and is not linear. There’s no set way or time limit on grief.
The healing process is difficult, especially when you don’t understand that there are many ways to grieve and may think that you’re doing it wrong. There’s never a right or wrong way to grieve. There’s only one way: YOUR WAY. Your relationships are different, the way your loved ones passed is different, and you are unique in all ways so it’s impossible to grieve the same way. Nothing is one size fits all. Honoring yourself and others on their journey is a key to healing.
For the person grieving, the return to work can feel like stepping into a world where ‘normal’ no longer exists. Life is never the same again. The key is not to strive for the old normal but to find a new balance. Here are some tips for when finding that new balance seems unattainable:
- Communicate Your Needs – Let your supervisor and close colleagues know what you’re going through and how they can support you. Whether it’s flexibility with deadlines or a quiet space to take a moment when needed, expressing your needs is crucial. This can be very difficult as you’re not taught how to grieve and effectively express what you need. In the time of grieving, you have to rediscover yourself without your loved one. Sharing your needs can make a difficult situation just a bit easier to navigate. Sometimes you have to let others know how to treat you and what would be helpful. People want to help.
- Take Breaks – Allow yourself moments throughout the day to breathe and process your emotions. Getting outside in nature for a short walk or finding a quiet room can provide necessary respite. Communicate this to your colleagues so that they can support your needs. Taking some time for yourself to feel can help with the processing of emotions. Remember there’s no timeline! How you grieve is unique to you and your situation.
- Forgiveness – Forgive yourself when you’re not able to perform at your normal capacity. It is a time to show yourself some compassion as you would a friend or colleague. Being hard on yourself only makes you feel worse. Remember that you have every right to your emotions.
- Seek Professional Support – If your workplace offers counseling services or you can access a grief coach, take advantage of these resources. Many workplaces are starting to see the importance of offering support as it helps everyone involved. If not, seek outside assistance through therapists, coaches, etc. as well as through support groups, which can help you feel like you’re not alone, because you’re not! You can also find books and articles to help you make sense of your grief.
Lastly, social media provides focused groups on your particular loss such as Compassionate Friends. Remember, support isn’t always one size fits all. If you read something or join a group that doesn’t quite resonate with you, don’t give up. Keep trying until you find the support that YOU need.
For co-workers looking to support a grieving colleague, consider these actions:
- Listen Without Judgment – Sometimes, the best support is a willing ear. Offer to listen if your colleague wants to talk, never push them to share. Many feel uncomfortable approaching someone newly bereaved not knowing what to say past the “I’m sorry for your loss.” Let your colleague know that you’re there to listen. Listening is the most important action we can take to help someone as they’re grieving. You may not realize what an important role that can play for your colleague.
- Be Patient – Grief has no timeline. It’s not linear. It can hit you at any time from a tidal wave to a slow calming wave. Understand that your colleague may have good days and bad days and that this is a natural part of their healing process. It can strike at any time without warning. Be gentle in letting your colleague grieve. Know that crying is a way of processing deep emotion. Just be present. Knowing you’re there even when you can’t understand is more important than you can imagine. Know that your colleague will never return to “normal.” They are forever changed by their loss.
- Help With Workload – Offer to assist with tasks or projects. This practical support can be a tangible way to show you care. It can take off some of the pressure of your colleague wanting to perform at the level they did in the past. Helping them in this way can go a long way to helping your colleague get through the day. Assisting your colleague can help them not to feel guilty about not performing at their best.
By combining understanding and support from co-workers with self-care and communication from the grieving individual, the workplace can become a place of mutual support and healing. Together, we can navigate the complexities of grief and build a more compassionate work environment. It’s a win-win for everyone.
It’s time that grief is brought out from the shadows and into the light where no one has to grieve alone. Many times after all the rituals the newly bereaved feel so alone and believe that no-one understands what they are experiencing. Community is one of the most important aspects of helping you or someone you know process grief. Compassion, understanding, and your presence can never be underestimated.
Next time you are aware of a colleague grieving be sure to show compassion and a listening ear knowing that you’re helping more than you realize.
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Susan Lataille, Certified Master Grief Coach, Author, and Editor, is dedicated to helping others navigate grief with grace. Creator of Shining a Light on Grief series.
so much good info on here, : D.
Absolutely composed subject material, thanks for information. “Life is God’s novel. Let him write it.” by Isaac Bashevis Singer.