My sister-in-law, who is nearing 80 years old, is a champion Salsa Dancer. She started a couple of years after her husband died. It’s not like she didn’t have anything to do, either. She’s been helping high-level teachers in Pennsylvania do a stellar job of teaching children to understand literature, and write; for many years. Even though she’s “retired,” she’s still doing this work, too.
When I visited a couple of years ago, she showed me the steps as we visited in her kitchen. I was surprised to hear her counting out the steps. Even though she was counting, her movements were flowing, smooth and beautiful to watch.
Afterwards, we talked about her learning process; she’s very interested in learning! Giving much appreciation to the young man who is both her teacher and competition partner, she told me that first, she learned the basic steps. She counted aloud to make sure she got the tempo correct. Then, the pace was stepped up, and she concentrated on doing those basic “numbers,” at the same time she learned to glide over the floor. Finally, music was added; then costuming. She’s been competing for more than 6 years now and continually wins first or second place in her dance category.
Emotions can be learned following a similar pattern. Allowing yourself to master the “emotional dance,” is both intended and possible, for the life of each person on this earth.
Imagine if, by learning and practicing “the basics,” you’re able to transform yourself into an Emotional Master during 2020! This is entirely possible. Here are some pointers that can help you in your quest.
We know so little about emotions; though they are a part of the life of every human who has ever lived. Now is the time for that to change; you can lead the charge. Emotions are part of our lives from our first moments of life; they stay with us constantly for our entire lives and are there until our last breath. Doesn’t it just make sense to get to know, understand, work with and benefit from something that lives so intimately with us?
Here are some basics I’ve learned that will help you get started:
- Emotions are tools; a gift bestowed on each of us as we start life.
- Emotions are energy and behave according to the same principles that water, wind, or electricity do.
- Emotions are messengers. Each emotion has a message designed to help us navigate our life more skillfully and easily.
- The message of each emotion is available and can be learned. (For a list of 12 emotions and their message, get a copy of my book, Emotions in Motion, available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble.)
- Emotions accompany our experiences; bringing us their message. When we partner with emotions and utilize their message, we’ll complete the learning of that experience. By the way, we’re all in a “giant school;” in which we are supposed to learn through experience.
- If we don’t complete the learning, we find ourselves on a kind of “gerbil wheel;” going over the same issue, the same problems, the same frustrations. Experiences and their accompanying-emotions keep repeating until we learn our lessons; and every time they repeat, they feel harsh to us.
- The second we complete our learning, the repetition ceases. What has seemed harsh and urgent, has become a gentle releasing of energy. We can then move on.
- Embracing emotional learning is the fastest way to make our lives flow more smoothly and to develop resiliency.
Now you know the “count,” for the steps of your learning; 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8.
When you get that life is all about learning; that experiences are designed, (by us, mostly), to promote learning and then embrace that learning by using the accompanying emotions to direct yourself on the path, that’s when we speed things up, learn to glide, and start ourselves really moving. We’re on our way to being masters over emotions, rather than having any emotions push us around!
Now we add the costumes and the music; this means combining your relationship with the emotions that arise in you, with the life you want to live.
Live according to your own ideals and principles; what I’ve learned to call “having character”. Set out toward your own goals. Recognize who you really are; a magnificent and capable soul currently living in a human body. Look to your own Life Purpose and manifest it. Don’t let anyone, or anyone’s message to you, get in your way.
Want to be emotionally resilient, starting in 2020? Focus on what you want to become; a champion “dancer” who knows the basics, embraces the learning, glides through life and uses all the tools available to you to make your entire life a magnificent and beautiful experience.
The great thing about doing this, is that you’ll become more emotionally resilient in 2020 and for the remainder of your life!
Not only will emotional issues become easier for you, but life will become easier, because you will have learned to work with the system that has been set up here on the earth. It’s a system of being here, having experiences accompanied by emotions and then dealing with the impact and learning of those experiences.
Once we get the system, life starts becoming easier and easier. Despite all that has been taught through millennia, life does not have to be about suffering. Suffering occurs when we resist; which we do by refusing to face life’s experiences, feel the feelings, or embrace and complete the learning. Just as the brake pads on your car become hot if you apply them to resist going out of control on a steep hill, we experience “wear and tear,” in ourselves whenever we resist experiences, emotions, and learning.
Start today to create emotional resiliency for yourself in 2020.
Then, enjoy the beautiful and graceful “dance” of emotional resilience that you’ll be doing for the rest of your life!
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Ilene Dillon, MSW, has dedicated her life to helping people resolve personal challenges once and for all, then design life to be what they want it to be. A Transformation Specialist, she has worked 50 years as a psychotherapist and 15 years as a coach. She is a global speaker, Amazon International Best-selling author (The Wellness Universe Guide to Complete Self-Care, Volumes 1 and 2), podcast guest, and plans to give her first TEDx speech (on Anger) later this year. Ilene is also the author of Emotions in Motion: Mastering Life’s Built-in Navigation System and End Manipulation: Stop Being Jerked Around by Toxic, Energy-draining People. With her little dog, Pi, Ilene lives and travels full-time throughout North America in her RV, writing, teaching, and speaking along the way.