About fifteen years ago, I looked in the mirror, crying hysterically pleading to the universe to help me stop eating. While I didn’t want to exactly die, I didn’t want to live. Certainly not as I was living in that moment.
It was a moment of utter surrender. My internal white flag went up, and I knew that I could no longer go on in the same manner. My compulsion to overeat and contempt for myself brought me to my knees. Literally.
It was the embarrassing and shameful experiences I wanted to keep secret (yup, that meant eating out of the trash) as well as horrendous body image and the feeling of “not good enough” that led me to a complete life transformation.
I started out in a 12-step support group for overeaters, which led to my most important discovery; learning to love all of me. This didn’t happen overnight – I spent years working with trusted mentors, spiritual advisors, sponsors, therapists, accountability partners, coaches and enrolled in many personal development programs. I started to use journaling as my new crutch (I wrote instead of downing a bag of m&m’s), crying as a way to let go and sharing authentically to connect with myself, and others.
You see, I was awesome at people pleasing and pasting on a smile. I wore my smile as a mask to cover the self-loathing, sadness and disdain for myself. In doing such deep personal discovery work, I learned to take off my mask, slowly and one blessed baby step at a time.
I’ve learned that my life learning happens through experiences, not textbooks. I’m a DIY kind of gal – meaning, I’ve got to do life myself; failing, falling and fighting, in order to internalize a life lesson. I’ve taken many U-turns in my life; ending a marriage with two children under the age of three, binge eating in secret and talking about it, leaving a stable ‘really good’ job to start my own business, manifesting an autoimmune disease and changing the way I do life. In most ways, a ‘do-over,’ a term I now refer to often with my kids.
And while not fun at times, those u-turns led me to sacred self discovery.
Once I started to have more stability in my life; with my relationship to food, creating an amicable uncoupling (i.e. divorce), leaving my job of 11 years and changing my whole lifestyle around my autoimmune diagnosis, I realized that while life was great, there was still something missing. I had finished my master’s degree in coaching from a lovely university that was focused on being a healing presence – and it hit me, I wanted to spend my waking moments being a healing presence for myself and for others. That is my “why.”
I heard a voice. I kid you not. I heard a small whisper inside of me that said to write a book. It went on for about a year. I didn’t know how to write a book and frankly, I remember being told in 11th grade English that my writing was too flowery. I love squishy adjectives. How could I write a book that anyone would want to read? That’s when the lightbulb went off – my ‘not good enough’ voice tried to sabotage what my sacred higher-self was saying; ‘share your struggle, journey, and triumph so that others can benefit.\’ It wasn’t about being the best writer with the most prolific and profound book. It was about honoring the divine essence in me that I had spent years nurturing so that instead of stuffing it down with food, I could finally hear it.
I wrote Get a PhD in YOU because I had to. I was told to. I had to let go of ego, discomfort, and fear to be present to the divine calling begging me to share with others. When I let go of expectations, I was able to tap into that sacred inner knowing I know we all have. In fact, I wrote this book so that you can get to know that part of you and become best friends with him or her.
When I can love my inner world, I can love my outer world. In the end, I’m about sharing love in any way possible. And, as you know, it starts first with yourself – with loving yourself right now – and that, my dear friends, is an inside job. Get a PhD in YOU is about doing the inside work (hopefully with fun and enlightenment). You can get a new kind of PhD, a ‘Doctor of Possibility’, in YOU – for envisioning and creating the most fulfilling life you can imagine.
If you long to wake up to your own greatness, I invite you to start here. My purpose is to help you discover the seeds to your power and creative genius that lie within you. They won’t be found outside of you. As you know well from within, YOU hold the keys to your purpose and passion.
Here’s to your most radiant self!
With immense love,
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